My humility began as a humble pride with Sirius, so after the last week in Asheville with my buddy Dave Keister gently reinforcing that humility passively, I can now say I'm in stage 2 of learning to humble myself. I can't fully speak for Matthew, but he definitely feels the same way.
Ezekiel is into week 5 in New Jersey with his dad and grandparents - us thinking we'd be on the road about 2 weeks ago. . .I am in pieces about that - but of any of my three children, Ezekiel is the strongest and most independent, so it's myself that I worry about being so homesick for him. He's just fine and his time with his dad and other family is a good thing. Being pressured to make this start to Philadelphia asap has caused me to overlook many many things - the un-readiness of the bus and ourselves as far as knowledge goes - mentally we are all 5 prepared for the road - physically, the bus is basically a big steel tent. There are bunks and chairs. Here's what's not there - security, electricity, heat, water. I justified and excused all that lack of necessities in the form of seeing us as mobile campers. I mean, hikers on the AT don't have heat, electricity, running water, right? Yes, Sabrina, but the point of the bus is to be a mobile and independent home - a place where we have a self-contained and independent environment. A place where we can cook, wash, use the toilet, charge our cell phones and laptop, keep warm in this weather, eluding quickly to chilly autumn nights, and a peaceful place to rest.
Our priority still lays with the fuel system addition to include the veggie oil system. About a month ago Dave was set to come down to Tennessee from North Carolina and do the conversion, something I grasped with un-abashed naivete. The day before he was set, he gave me a call - "How much do you have set aside?" Me, "about $400 for parts". Dave respectfully let me know it would be more in the area of $1200. Ok, I said, no worries, even though I usually don't come across that sort of money unless it's refund season. I just don't have that business-set mind. But through God's patient support Matthew was able to come up with $1000 within a week through some completely un-expected situations. And no, nothing illegal! So we continue on in our blind-sighted progress, concerned with cleaning out the house and manicuring the property, focusing on bills and making sure the kids are getting enough learning experiences everyday, then onto moving out almost 2 weeks ago. I drove the bus without any problems down my friends' narrow driveway in Bristol and lined up the bus all neat. There was a week of un-spoken chaos as my friends Emily and Adam welcomed our misfit crew into their home - two kids drawn wild with summer and craving some formal lessons or any manner of schedule, my dog Sammi who we have sadly learned is not going to come with us because of socialization issues, me with my frazzled and open-ended ideas and not much follow through, and Matthew who is trying with his big heart to still just find his place with me and the kids and now my friends' home. Blessed are the crazies, for they mean well and they shall one day be sane. . .
Sunday was my last day of work. I gloated in the exit, sure to never return to the food industry, confident that my creative visions would begin to come to form. Monday my mom agreed to take Samson and Mercury for the next 4 days while we drove the bus and car to Asheville for the conversion, ordered parts and more then enough money (somehow) in hand. We were set on staying in the car a few nights as a motel room was out of the question considering our budget. Monday tropical storm Lee's afterthoughts were upon the mountainous climb to NC, but the wipers proved well. The headlights were discovered to not work, though, and the roof hatch STILL leaks and Sammi sure enough HATES the bus. I got lost. Twice. I wasn't as excited as I should have been when we pulled up, though I was very proud to have handled the driveways narrow switchback on gravel and the threat of a fence to the left. Not bad driving, Sabrina. But oh how that pride is rightfully crushed! As I should have been finding a way to update everyday as we were patiently walked through the engineering and mechanics, I will summarize - I number one, have as much knowledge of the system as I can and have explained to the kids and others - number two, I have not been able to sleep at night because I know that time is passing without me constantly filling my head with knowledge of all in that I lack - basically everything I'm wanting to do.
So the system Dave created for us is amazing. Sure he personally didn't come up with the idea - actually Rudolph Diesel did more then a hundred years ago - but he did refine it to our specific needs and the vehicle. Something Greasecar or Frybrid would charge $4000 or more for. And so the cost of parts and the very very scant wages we could afford to reimburse Dave and his welder friend Ed and our tiny 'Thanks' to Keith who apparently volunteered 4 days of labor left us with about $150 for the rest of the month. And this was after I told Dave we couldn't afford the electric system needed for the pumps. . .so as of now, we are back at Emily and Adam's in Bristol with Sirius - all converted except for the electricity and the two tanks were left in Asheville for when we return in about a month. Give or take.
Last night at the rest area high in the cloud shrouded mountains between here and there, after a chance meeting with Micheal, another engineering Christian-anti-establishment hippie genius truck driver with an amazing heart, I awoke at 3am to pounding waves of doubt and confusion and anxiety. How was I to learn even the basics of mechanics, engineering, electricity, composting, plumbing, and carpentry without even mentioning refining the whole concept of what I thought I was doing? a couple chapters from Proverbs set me straight, or rather, enlightened me to the idea of self-confidence where it's not rightly due is a fool. I am a fool.
But the beautiful thing? The perfect and reassuring fact? I have a good heart. When Dave asked me to sum up the message I want to send with all this, I said, that if I can do it - if I of all people am able to pull off this alternative to the systems we have, then anyone can. I'm not brilliant in much but love, I'm horrible at making money, I've put together a bus that has hypocritical points (non-renewable sourced wood because it was all I could afford, for instance) to my vision, I'm terribly un-prepared, and my plan to make a film has its backing in only my faith, I cannot secure any sponsors until I'm at least self-contained lest I waste other's time. . .but you know what? I am going to do this, WE are, through battles with doubt and confusion and ignorance, it only helps the concept to prove its truth - that we are all capable of change and supporting each other. . .
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