And then there was five

I've been busy.  It's been a scant summer for posting, and I've learned my lesson - that this neglect cannot continue, but I still find myself distracted by other things. . .this ruby engagement ring on my finger - the finger that forgot how to type. . .and I've had a difficult time re-arranging my entire last 3 or 4 years' ideas into including a husband/partner.  The first few words describing this blog state 'single parent family'.  It's a strange and bittersweet metamorphosis, for all.  There is heavy energy in the house as we enter into the dawn of the last week here.  It's about 30 minutes before sunrise and I was awoken by Samson about 2 hours ago with his nightmares, thankful that he woke me from mine.  I couldn't rest enough to dose back off, with everything stirring in my head.  We have to be out of this house by August 15, then we are taking 2 weeks (or more) to finish up details on the bus while we stay with friends in the town next door.  Sounds simple.  But like I said, I've been distracted. . .

Matthew proposed to me 8 days ago.  We have a quick history, but I have also been granted a gift of sensitivity and response when it comes to the truth. . .and though I try my best to deny the truth many times, I can't fight it, and after talking about what sense it would make both logically and passionately (yes, you can make passionate sense, it's wonderful) to get married a few months ago - I ran!  Then what would you know but God's funny fate brought us back around to meet up after initial tests of honesty and intent were passed. . .the last 2 months with this man have been amazing - from pettily refusing to shift my concept as a single parent family, to agreeing having Matthew join us, then having 3 hour phone conversations every night when he visited family in California for a week, to changing my leave date, to changing OUR leave date, to missing him while I'm at a 5 hour work shift.  Now I sit in the quiet, the growing dawn, while my dear children and dear husband-to-be slumber peacefully, wondering how this new logic will fit into my stubborn and independent attitude, and being humbly amazed how much I needed him to shake it up, a stark realization that the community I seek I sometimes push away for fear my strength and recognition will be diluted.

This dawn that's crawling up the damp mint outside those french doors that I can't claim anymore, this dawn seems to be lighting more then the outside world.  It's guiding me to clarity and acceptance and a bounty of thankfulness I had given up on long ago.  I'll raise my coffee to a toast - here's to all the grudge work procrastination has led me to in our final week, to friends grander then platinum for sure, and that I can now proudly say 'we' and 'our' includes a man, my man. . .

And there is my excuse - my wonderful, wonderful, wonderful excuse that is almost as good as calling out of work because you've got the runs - it ALWAYS works - I fell in love and nothing else has been quite as important as staring into his eyes.  There's not much that can be multi-tasked in conjunction with that effort.  But his eyes are still closed as I type, and there-in have I found my time again.

Tomorrow Dave is coming up from Asheville to convert the bus while we learn and do what we're told. We plan on 2 days to add the veggie oil fuel system.  Then it's some major crunch time moving furniture around to friends' houses, finishing up the painting in the bus AND the house, the dividing walls, the sink, patching the roof, making this yard presentable, driving the 11 year old cat up to meet Jay in DC after work friday night, and driving back in time for work Saturday evening, and living on the bus in one week from today.  Dang.  Oh, and in the middle of all that, I turn 33.  What a perfect number.  That, or 5.