I recorded a video entry late last night but tonight we are at a friend's house staying the night and they have my iPhone, listening to ambient music on Pandora, and therein lies the entry I never uploaded, so this is working backwards - I thought I'd reiterate what I was trying to say on that crap video clip first. . .(my period key is now working with some effort on my part)
I had a difficult day yesterday, working 2 jobs and working with no sleep whatsoever. I had another outing similar to my spontaneous exodus to Hershey Pa a few weeks ago - I was 15 again and maturely reckless. It was good, but it cost a night's worth of sleep, and I couldn't have picked a worse night. Anyway, the bedtime routine was shaken by the fact that the kids were at a friend's house with 4 other kids and were not exactly the wide awake that I had imagined they would be - more an exhausted wide awake, moaning and complaining and being super needy. And why not? they are shuffled around so much, but always with loving people, which I like to think counts for something. It actually counts for alot - when I was a kid we weren't particularly social because of the alcohol abuse my father comforted in. . . we didn't see alot of different people watching over us - it was more a hermetic life as kids, even with our few school friends.
Anyway, EZ didn't go down to bed without a fight and it ended with me breaking down and balling to him about how can't we all just make this work, how I can't do everything, how he didn't need to understand all I do but just work with me. That got him to contemplate and actually worked out well, I'm guessing, as we recapped the night this morning.
What I'm trying and dodging to get at is this - we have to step back and go back to basics more then we'd like to - I need to refocus on the kids especially as my situation calls for - serious refocus. No living in a bus for 14 months is gonna be pleasant with Mama breaking down every few weeks and doing everything. I need to look at the family that's going with me, my family, and get it together, which bummed me out a bit, being kinda behind on the conversion.
But look, when all looks overwhelming and (especially and - there's a pattern of me kinda straying then finding such poignant light out there) impossible, there in walks those angels and stuff that is recurrent in my endeavors. And it's NEVER where I'm thinking they'd be - the info and love is out there in strange places.
At a wedding tonight I met up with the elusive Brad who holds all knowledge in veggie oil conversion. The burning question - how much will it cost?? $40 could do it, was the answer. Talk about relief and a sense of ability! Ok, Brad, help me out! He'll come over next week and check it all out. I need to freak out more often it would seem. . .
This week? Work, work, laundry, getting rid of the laundry, yard sale, work, cook, work, probably finish some mosaics on the window and upload a video of the current Sirius so all you faithful can see it's actually progressing more then I can see. For one, it's certainly not yellow anymore. Though in all senses it will always be a schooling bus. Schooling.
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