yard sale

So I am wrapping up the purging of worldly possesions - whoever would have guessed we had so many?  And still another 6 days left, which will all be utilizied in the removal of 'things'.  Here's a link.

Find <a href="http://www.yardsalesearch.com/%22%3Egarage sales</a>
 in <a href="http://www.yardsalesearch.com/garage-sales-elizabethton-tn.html%22%3EElizabethton, TN</a>.

What a beautiful thing - a fire, an epic trip to the recycling bins, three trash cans full, a big ol' moving sale. . .
well, if you're in the area, please stop by, even if you'll only scold me for being foolish - I welcome all.  I also have a bunch of cilantro and Jerusalem artichokes to share, plus Mercury is open for business selling lemonade. 

heroes on common grounds

here's my newest lovely inspiration.  looking at profits possible from a yard sale and auction, the real question of funding comes into play.  I am thrilled to see some creative financing by Theron, and look out for my own variations soon...

www.thiswildidea.com

what's the deal with tires?

I had a blow out on my civic last month, drove to work on a flat and ruined a new tire Saturday night, Anon mentioned changing a bus tire, now I was told yesterday that the front tires that are retreads need to go or be moved to the back, and the back tires have some dry rotting, and should be replaced.

Good news?  Well, soon I'll have a new tire on the car and I am aware of the other issues.  Also, Barry and Tina Worley from Bristol came out and Barry checked out the bus - I thought I had it on video, but I don't - at the end of the inspection, Barry said something to the effect that he was going to tell me this was a terribly foolish idea, BUT, the bus is in great shape and it should be good to go for a year across the country!  This comes from a CDL tester and mechanic - his father in law, the Morrel's of Bristol, own the Holston Bus Company (shout out!) so I am going to trust this gift of opinion with all my heart!  There is the tire issue, and also the rear brakes are going to need to be replaced as soon as I can figure out how that will happen (they are about half-way now).

We got it started up with some starting fluid (note to self - purchase a can) and after I put on the license plate finally, we hauled it out for a drive down the highway.  Kids sliding around on blankets and waving at the passerby - quite a few 'cause it's a much slower ride then even an old Civic!  It was a little nerve-racking trying to back it back into my driveway, and after a few attempts and some impatience, I just pulled straight in.  It'll be fun getting it out in a few days as I've committed to taking Sirius out twice a week to recharge the battery and keep it in shape.  It was good to realize little things like I need some new mirrors and getting the feel of driving this beast...it's going to be a much more brave conquest then I have allowed myself to indulge in - I am consistently called 'brave' but I think naive is a much more comfortable adjective for me to accept - though I still like brave... and I don't mind naive, either - it's not a bad word, just a word that describes innocent trust to me...

So today?  I have a new list of things I need, for the bus and the year - another wish list of necessities if anyone feels compelled to donate -

full-size futon mattress
TIRES
wood for bunks
panelling
wood stove or DSL space heater
sleeping bag for me
RV sized sink
water tank
passports
national park year pass
artists to show up June 24 and paint something tastefully on the back of the bus
some nice words of support...
alot of people to show up June 4 for my moving sale and support me by buying all my stuff
AND alot of people showing up to my photography auction and over-paying for some good photos (just kidding, you won't overpay)

As soon as I figure out how to get these videos uploaded I'll be posting.  Back to a sick kid and more eliminating for now.

One more thing - Mark is coming up here from North Carolina and we'll finally get that sweet insulation put in, then the rest of the bunks, loft, bathroom, kitchen, and book shelves go in the first week of June with Jay here.  Another shout out to my brother and sister-in-law for donating a bundle of good stuff for the moving sale - Gabe and Christina Zimmer - thanks!!  Looking forward to an amazing summer with old and new friends and a beautiful (yet not proximinal enough) community!!

shout out!!

it's been a few days.  a few days of some crazy downsizing.  ever move into your hoarding grandma's home with three kids and then have to whittle down your belongings to fit into a school bus tactfully?  me neither, not until now.
wow

the house is upsidedown and i love it.  the entire huge living room is a stockpile of clothes and toys and games and furniture - yard sale june 4 - looking forward to that!  me and st. germaine are contemplating the details right now. . .

then!  June 24 is the Bus Party - everyone is invited, no holes barred - or is it no holds barred?  whatever the case, there will be music and fire and the bus of course.  wish you ALL could be there.  July will bring the details being wrapped up and an auction of my photography for Sirius's benefit in Johnson City, more details to come.

As for the actual conversion, well, it'll come and I'm not worried - Jay will be coming down in June to help out with the woodwork and Mark is spraying in the insulation next week 'cause I'm too chicken to mess it up.  The ever-elusive Brad was supposed to come by to school me on the engine conversion today, but I was lame and didn't follow up with a phone call, so of course he forgot - I'll get him next week.

In the meantime, I've written the Ellen Show (whom showed interest months ago thanks to my post-producer Tom Ford) and waiting to hear back from some other prospectives.  It'll take me actually getting out there for any substantial bites, I've concluded.

And a HUGE thanks to the Worley's from Holston Bus Co who have agreed to come check out the engine and get Sirius ready to go!  Soon now... And for those who question my ability to maintain such a machine, well, I'm going to be schooled quite a bit by this community I've roused - THANKS!

Going to bed happy and less cluttered - I'll see you late June, faithful plenty.  Check out my Facebook for more info - Sabrina Bertsch

peace

getting personal

thought I'd give my ex-husband and the kids' dad some love and send this out.  He's up north in Philly/NJ doing his thing, gonna collaborate a bit for our time up there.  Yeah, it's about forgiveness, too.

here's the love

got a text from a dear friend about someone interested in helping with the bus, the mechanical side.  yeah man, here's the love - of course right now I'm relying on the help of the community, but it's for the community, at large and next door.  I'll be giving back some righteous kids raised to see both sides of the coin - the charity and us giving back - I was blessed this week as we went through the boys' room and the kids gave up so much stuff, stuff even I stalled on, toys that are dear and hold some sentimental meaning - they just piled them all up in the living room and said good bye!  They agreed on who to give specific things to - clothes to so and so, this toy to so and so, and on and on.  Sure, it's not building a house or sending someone to college, but it's community in a micro-sense - to give give give.  It's not hippie BS, it's not taking off and continually living off the backs of others, and yes, dangit, it's about living off the land.  After all, we ALL live off the land - duh - we rely on fossil fuels every step of the way - the LAND, and food grown on commercial (or hopefully organic commercial, better yet, local organic) farms, meat grown off the land - whew - didn't mean to get back into that last comment, but geez, if you really read the blog, you'd know this stuff.

If I went back to school for my MSN (master of science in nursing) like I plan to one day when it's wise (ie, the kids are older or I have someone to help raise them so the public school system and welfare system isn't responsible for their rearing), I'd be forsaking my influence and replacing it with un-controllable situations, then dealing with the repercussions once they are teenagers and think welfare will foot all the bills.  Or they'll think I can have kids now and go back to school in my mid-thirties and it'll be ok, that's what mom did.  Well, momma went to school and graduated with a BA at 20 years old, taught for awhile, and kept the kid I had when I was 22, got it 'together' for a few years, then divorce and health problems kinda blew things up.  Up until this point, this completely 'insane' and 'foolish' idea has become nothing short of completely and incredibly phenomenal to me.  Poignant and wise, in a scary sense.  Why not?  WHY not?  Because I'll get a flat?  Because I'm alone?  HA!  I'm not alone, but in this country we have that sense - we are alone in all this - we fight so hard for our sense of individuality that we shut out everyone and everything else.  Call it pride, ego, false strength - but for all it's worth, it's not worth alot to realize in the end, in your mid-life crisis amongst your nice middle class house and office job, or career, failing marriage, secret addictions - that the friends you have are just really buddies you hang out with because you're in the same social circle, same financial class and when you change your vision no one will walk alongside you.  It's best to start young, to raise our kids in a different way, different from the 50's and 60's, the suburbs and replace-able goods, let's move on back a couple centuries when LIFE was good - technology wasn't present, but life was good.  Let's take the good and toss out the bad.  It's pretty simple, but sometimes we need some brave and crazy examples to prove it's not all that crazy.  History says alot about crazy folks - crazy to the masses, but in the end, wow, what's anything new and revealing, any revolution without some crazy folks at the front of the line?

No, no no, I'm not gonna conform, not gonna teach my kids that.  I'm already labeled 'criminal' for some of my philosophies, but we've managed - no immunizations, vegetarian diet, alternative medicine, homeschooling, long-haired boys - but well, next up I'm gonna let some video talk for me and mine, maybe also brag on the accomplishments of mine even.  Heck, even me.  And why not?

Antidisestablishmentarianism - gotta love the haters

A friend alerted me to this comment before I saw it.  While much could be said in retort, they would be defensive words falling on deaf ears.  As I'm not bound and determined to sway anyone's opinion right now (I'll let the present state of things always speak for me), I'll remain humble and give shout outs to those that my life angers.  Maybe if I was still 20, I'd take this comment much differently, but I've had much too much experience in defense for the sake of ego to not have learned that's pointless.  Anon is right about the bus breaking down - it's bound to happen, and right about me probably not being able to lift a tire, but just one slip of vernacular caught my eye - I'm not insane - insanity, by definition, is trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  I can assure you, this is the first time I'm volunteering to be homeless, trust God completely despite man's words, and believe in people - even you, dear Anon - my children will be better people for your children's earth, that's a promise.  

Anonymous said...

Well, I've been following your blog since seeing the article in the paper a while back. I have to finally say you're either insane or immature to the point it's almost criminal to your children.

This 60's hippie bullshit of "Me 'n You 'n A Dog named Boo, traveling 'n aliving off the land" in your old school bus is just that....immature bullshit. Fine if you're 20, no kids and no responsibility.....go do it....but you don't HAVE that luxury. You need to flat GROW UP and provide a stable home for the kids you brought into this world, not trying to take an old worn out school bus on the road in some romantic adventure.

Have you EVEN considered the amount of fuel it will take to do this fool route you have laid ? You think you're gonna stop and collect veggie oil and do this ? Insane.

How about tires. Let's assume they are brand freaking new....You have a flat in the middle of nowhere, can you even LIFT a tire that weighs more than you, much less break the lug nuts or jack up the bus ?

What happens if you throw a rod in the engine in North Dakota ? You have bus fare tucked away for 4 of you and prepared to spend 40hrs on a bus back to here ?? Crap....you don't have money enough for a motel when you run off to PA for a few days, much less bus fare money when you have to abandon your bus ( maybe you'll be lucky enough to break down right next to a scrap yard.....other wise the tow truck operator will get it all.)

Insane, I tell you. And IF it was just you....fine....but to drag 3 kids along on your ill fated foolishness is bordering on criminally insane.

You need to have that bus hauled down to Omnisource scrap yard, have it crushed, and put a few bucks in savings.....then get the hell OFF the internet and quit wasting your time blogging, and GET TO WORK building you and your kids a decent, stable life instead of acting like you're still a freaking teenager with 3 puppies.

I assume you'll delete this, as it isn't the lovey-dovey BS most people post, but if I were your parent, this is EXACTLY what I would tell you.

May 12, 2011 8:02 AM 

Sirius as is

Technology fail.  Apple, where are you?  I've been trying for 2 days to upload a visual update, but to no avail - I've tried it all.  My equipment is totally behind the times, and showing.  My poor little iBook G4 has  had it with my ways and is threatening to quit.

so here's the written update - I'm calling the elusive Brad tomorrow in hopes he will stop by in his seemingly impromptu fashion and look over the conversion issue on site - he says it's doable for dirt cheap. I'm learning all about changing the oil filter on the ol' boy, and probably not taking that on tomorrow, but if no rain, then I will pursue the changing of the fuel filter - no biggie.  Hoping to take Sirius out for a little joy ride in Carter County this weekend. . . Still waiting on the auto glass man to fit in the back window, which was broken out in a storm last year (!)

Tomorrow plumbers are coming to re-route my washer line to the septic - glad I don't have to mess with all that, though I have learned a lot about septic lately here at the house. . .
funny how everyone has their own opinion on things that should be cut and dry - carpentry, auto repair, septic lines - and it's almost always men who have their differing ways.  Most women would talk it out and reach an agreement.  Oh well.

I've added a place to visit on the way to Philly, and because I've come to accept the fact that the bus will not be completely converted (interior) by August at this rate, I'm planning on being in the Philadelphia area indefinitely.  There I have a filmer, place to park, places to stay, and an awesome community to spend time at.  And summers in the city are beautiful.  Summers anywhere are beautiful.  Heck, everyday is beautiful.

There I'll drive up for awhile to NYC and be blessed with some artwork on Sirius promised by one or more New York artists, probably hang around there for awhile and try to bug Morgan Spurlock some more about producing what has now become a film backed mainly by my iPhone. . . and see what kinda goodness is in the Big Apple - closing down my negative impressions from the past of that city and opening up to the positive that is bound to be there in plenty.  I'm figuring it'll be more of an artistic journey, and begging the Big Dogs (producers) to realize the sincerity and cause in my cause. . . without losing my integrity, of course.

Once I'm rolling with my cheap-o conversion I'll cover the details.  I'm not worried - if anything I can't wait to just go and figure it all out.  I have a route - here's what the lose outline looked like before I realized these kinds of things can't possibly have a structured route. . .

August, Philadelphia, NYC
September, New England - 2 or more communities
Oregon by October, possibly Chicago on the way
MANY places to see in Oregon
Coast of CA Nov - stops in San Francisco and LA definite
Winter in the SW, possibly visit a community in Baja, farm in NM, live at the national parks/monuments
Crazy Texas early spring
The Farm (Tn) spring
Koinania Farm, GA
back home for a spell,
ending it all with a backwards route up to Alaska and maybe (not definite), Burning Man in September 2012.

Temperate climates, lots of stops, lots of networking.

But if we end up living in Philadelphia for a year, that's ok, too.

pure random

One of my favorite photos I found recently, hanging around on my computer.  This encapsulates my family.  This must've been last spring. Looking forward to a yearlong's worth of more of these.

Friday night

backing up

I recorded a video entry late last night but tonight we are at a friend's house staying the night and they have my iPhone, listening to ambient music on Pandora, and therein lies the entry I never uploaded, so this is working backwards - I thought I'd reiterate what I was trying to say on that crap video clip first. . .(my period key is now working with some effort on my part)

I had a difficult day yesterday, working 2 jobs and working with no sleep whatsoever.  I had another outing similar to my spontaneous exodus to Hershey Pa a few weeks ago - I was 15 again and maturely reckless.  It was good, but it cost a night's worth of sleep, and I couldn't have picked a worse night.  Anyway, the bedtime routine was shaken by the fact that the kids were at a friend's house with 4 other kids and were not exactly the wide awake that I had imagined they would be - more an exhausted wide awake, moaning and complaining and being super needy.  And why not?  they are shuffled around so much, but always with loving people, which I like to think counts for something.  It actually counts for alot - when I was a kid we weren't particularly social because of the alcohol abuse my father comforted in. . . we didn't see alot of different people watching over us - it was more a hermetic life as kids, even with our few school friends.

Anyway, EZ didn't go down to bed without a fight and it ended with me breaking down and balling to him about how can't we all just make this work, how I can't do everything, how he didn't need to understand all I do but just work with me.  That got him to contemplate and actually worked out well, I'm guessing, as we recapped the night this morning.

What I'm trying and dodging to get at is this - we have to step back and go back to basics more then we'd like to - I need to refocus on the kids especially as my situation calls for - serious refocus.  No living in a bus for 14 months is gonna be pleasant with Mama breaking down every few weeks and doing everything.  I need to look at the family that's going with me, my family, and get it together, which bummed me out a bit, being kinda behind on the conversion.

But look, when all looks overwhelming and (especially and - there's a pattern of me kinda straying then finding such poignant light out there) impossible, there in walks those angels and stuff that is recurrent in my endeavors.  And it's NEVER where I'm thinking they'd be - the info and love is out there in strange places.

At a wedding tonight I met up with the elusive Brad who holds all knowledge in veggie oil conversion.  The burning question - how much will it cost??  $40 could do it, was the answer.  Talk about relief and a sense of ability!  Ok, Brad, help me out!  He'll come over next week and check it all out.  I need to freak out more often it would seem. . .

This week?  Work, work, laundry, getting rid of the laundry, yard sale, work, cook, work, probably finish some mosaics on the window and upload a video of the current Sirius so all you faithful can see it's actually progressing more then I can see.  For one, it's certainly not yellow anymore.  Though in all senses it will always be a schooling bus.  Schooling.

Waiting for the chance to be homeless

I've set a date to be homeless - August 1st at the latest.  I originally thought it could be more like the end of June, beginning of July, but honestly I've run out of funds, again.  I've been hectically focused on my immediate needs and the immediate needs of my kids. . .school and work and cleaning and grocery shopping, bills and the laundry - everytime I do laundry I think "look how many clothes we have - I need to get rid of 75% of them, then I wouldn't have to wash so many. . ." - which makes sense since I'll have to eliminate so much just so it'll fit on the bus.

I began cleaning out a shed for storage on the property.  I need to find a renter for the house.  They need to move in in August and kick us out.  If not, chances are I'll find an excuse to stay longer, and get weighed down longer.

Philadelphia will provide the recharge and momentum for the rest of the year - The kids' father lives 30 minutes from there, as well as grandparents and good friends of mine.  The plan in Philly is to park the bus in New Jersey and take the train into the city and live there for a week or more.  We need not begin official home-schooling until September, and so the kids can enjoy their summer with family they dont' see often.

There is so much to do here everyday, it's been paramount lately to me to eliminate and simplify, which looks increasingly intimidating every morning when I open my eyes to it.  I'm living in my grandma's house, and most of her belongings are here - a couple dressers, nice kitchen appliances, clothes, photographs, bookshelves and lots and lots and lots of books.  Although it's far from reality, I have grown close to a lot of the knick knacks and pictures, and some of the really great books, as if they are mine.  It will be a good exercise in letting go to pack these little wonders up and lock them away neatly in the clean shed.

But first I had to pick out about 100-200 cocoons from the thousands of tent caterpillars that have 'nested' in the wild cherry tree next to the shed.  Eww.  Does it sometimes seem that you begin a project only to find yourself either back to the hardware store 5 times in a day, being distracted, someone getting sick at school, called into work, rain, snow, tornado, a phone call, or an infestation of caterpillars??  So the space to hold at least my grandma's belongings is pretty clean at this point, while I write this.  I'm waiting now for that cherry tree to fall on the shed in the next tornado we get!!  Actually, that's a terribly negative way to think. . .

Tonight as I continue this bland entry, I have some liquor store boxes I squeezed into the reservoirs between three car seats in the Civic, crying out to be filled.  My plan of action is to eliminate my grandma's stuffs in the house so I can see what's left, and truthfully, that's scary, because I have WAY more then I'd like to admit - and no, I'm not a hoarder, I'm American.  Let's look at the kitchen - I have the normal glass place settings we eat off everyday, then plastic picnic supplies, then paper supplies in case we are sick and lazy or have a bunch of people over, then 5 boxes of fine China for something I haven't yet figured out - displaying??  Then there is flatware - most of which is Bunny's, my grandma - the normal stuff, the higher end (middle class), then the 'silver'.  I thought it was all 'silverware'.  Then the appliances - which come in handy with biscuits and Christmas cookies, the bread machine, the juicer, the pots and cake molds, the COOKIE CUTTERS, everything.  Then my fridge. . . My friend Anna, who is a single mother and a sonographer, said she hates (she doesn't really) people on food stamps - she's right - look how much freaking food I have at anytime of the month - sure I run low on staples, but I always have more then enough with a little of ingenuity.

The argument of the poor in the USA is a tough one.  I grew up 'poor', and sure, my mom has stories, but none that I remember personally - the heat going out, the electric being turned off (or was that me - it was me!), having no Christmas gifts, and I always held the thrif store in the highest regard, until 8th grade. . .Even the homeless have cell phones and drugs, albeit housing prices are insane - they still have 'stuff' - and with that last word - stuff, my period key completely broke off my old (poor me) mac   Well, the poor now don't have period keys   Hmmm

I listen to the radio when I am done praying in the car, and today I caught a woman on NPR named Linda Grant, an author, who was asked what the single most negative impact her generation (she's 60) contributed to the world   Here's the dialog -

REHM

11:50:26

You talk about what you feel is one of the greatest contributions of your generation, namely feminism. What do you think is the worst?

GRANT

11:50:41

(laugh) You caught me on the hop there. I mean, I think that something happened in the early '70s which I remember very well and it was -- there was a particular slogan which was -- and I'm wondering if people are going to remember it, which was, how can I change the world if I can't even change myself? So it became a sort of tremendous moment of sort of introspection and sort of, you know, of selfishness, I think, so that, you know, we really were the architects of the vast consumer boom of materialism. You know, we have never had so many consumer goods. Nobody has ever had so many. I mean, this is a really tiny thing, but I was looking at my bathmat yesterday morning and I was thinking, I should really get another one. I thought, you know, my parents had the same bathmat I think for the whole of their marriage.

REHM

11:51:42

Of course.

GRANT

11:51:42

They never thought that they needed to get rid of their bathmat.

REHM

11:51:45

Right.

GRANT

11:51:45

I was thinking, oh, no, I think I'll get a new -- you know, we, I think, created the disposable culture, I think. And the one thing that I think is a bit of a toxic legacy is because we are so convinced that we're young, right, we cannot bear the idea of aging. And I think we have created the whole business of cosmetic surgery of, you know, altering your appearance of facelifts, of all of that. It is unbearable to be old. I don't think my parents thought it was unbearable to look old. We, I think, think it's unbearable to look old and that, I think, is a product of our own narcissism.

REHM

11:52:24

And that plays out in the consumer goods.

GRANT

11:52:27

Yes, absolutely.

REHM

11:52:28

We have to keep replacing...

GRANT

11:52:29

Yeah.

REHM

11:52:30

...and upgrading...

GRANT

11:52:31

Yeah.

REHM

11:52:31

...and making sure it's bigger...

GRANT

11:52:33

Yeah.

REHM

11:52:33

...better, newer.

GRANT

11:52:35

If you like, because it turned out to be so much more difficult than we thought it was going to be to change the world, to make the better world, world a better place, we're making our own homes and our own bodies better places by continually buying new things. And, you know, I don't know that that's quite such a sort of -- you know, I don't think if you told us at the time that that was going to be our legacy, we would've been all that delighted.

I'll leave it there   Without a period, a forever more without a period  After all, periods kinda let us all down, you know?  

11:5

changing directions

My church has had a huge effect on me pursuing community for five years.  Recently we have been meeting to discuss common life and more of a community in our body, the way Acts in the New Testament, and Jesus outlined and lived out.  Tonight I read these following paragraphs at the meeting, and it reflects the most recent calling I've had concerning my journey. . .

The book the Irresistible Revolution has dug far into my heart deeper then most anything, as I feel attuned to the conflicts and issues of Philadelphia personally.  After I graduated college I joined Americorps at the last minute and moved in with a friend and her mother outside Philadelphia, where i would walk 3 blocks, take the trolley, then ride the L train, then walk another 5 blocks deep into The Kensington section of Philadelphia, a few blocks north of the Simple Way.  It took about an hour.  There I worked in the office and warehouse, and after feeling not used enough, was given an entire project that overwhelmed me.  Holding a BA in photography, they thought I'd be great teaching inner-city kids nutrition in after school programs.  Well, I am a vegetarian. . .After 3 pm, I'd hop buses everyday deeper into the poorest sections of north Philly into crumbling but majestic churches and try to convince kids that carrots grew underground and work my understanding and acceptance that the Muslim kids don't eat until sundown during Ramadan.  

All this introduction into my introduction to Philly and the brink of the iceberg of needs there gives me the connection I feel towards the Simple Way, and the path I naturally took in the city - after the Food Bank gig was over, I worked in 2 coffee shops - one in the subway station under city hall and one across from the orchestra hall.  So many people with places to go, important, lucrative places.  I was not living as a Christian those days, but in many ways I was, even in my sins.  I had been saved as a youth, grown up in church, and prayed.  But I drank and smoked, cursed and lived with my boyfriend, then had a baby. . .but in the busy cave under the busy city, I saw Jesus in my friend and manager - a woman named Rose Mary who shot up heroin on her lunch breaks.  (last I saw her she was kicking heroin, visiting me in New Mexico while driving to California).  Among the city officials and lawyers and doctors, the other regulars were homeless - the kids and the old veterans, the insane and the ones who held too much knowledge and empathy for their own good.  Rose Mary showed unending patience and love with them - we talked and handed out coffees - remembering how many creams they liked as much as we did with the tipping customers.  Rose Mary was the first I told when I found out I was pregnant and walked with me through the entire process.  It was only natural that I handed out the left-over gourmet sandwiches and pastries to the brothers and sisters sleeping on the street vents on my way home everyday.  In the deepest pockets of my heart, this love and concern came from God - "all good things come from God."  And though my personal life was a mess, I was happiest living in the only white apartment on our block in west Philly.  I was one with that community and though we lived in separate houses, the proximity made anything outside every one's concern, and here was my introduction to community.  Sure it was the ghetto type of community, but I saw it everywhere, everyone had that sense.  

Shane Claiborne took that ideal I share with him and ran with it.  I was still much too caught up in having fun the majority of the time to commit to social reform through God's love, but all that in my past has prepared me, and given me a longing I feel resurrected through the words I've been reading, the family I've found here, the words I hear here.  Shane says Christians pretend to not understand the Bible and Jesus' words because if we really do understand, then why aren't we selling what we have and living with the poor?  Herein lies another problem for me - I've always been 'poor' - yet I have great stuff.  And kids.  Now what do I do?  What do we do?  Remain comfortable and help out with a meal or 2 with the homeless, the widows and orphans, or do we take those words to heart and admit we really do understand them?  To me, community looks like this - selling our things, our houses, giving our lives to God as Jesus gave his life to us, and opening up in ways that should scare us cross-eyed to what we are meant to be a followers of God.  We talk about the Simple Way and Mother Teresa and the Psalters, but from our own views, our own American culture, reassuring ourselves that God has worked us into the culture in just the right way.  I believe in revolution, in church, in love conquers all, and most of all complete and pure TRUST.  Physical Community is not a comfortable little farm, as I would have it to be, but  modest shelters like Jesus, the Dali Lama, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, and the rest of the saints who live with the poor dwell in.  To me, it begins with letting go and never ends from there.  My friend shared a phrase he hangs on his fridge with me - "Let Go or Be Dragged."  Revival in the body of Christ needs to be more  revolution!  And yes, that scares me cross-eyed.