Ok, for those masochistic readers that do not understand, will not understand, and label my ideals, ideas, principals, and life as generally selfish, immature, and lazy without opening up their hearts in any way to see the view from this side. . .well, here's another update - and no drama. I save the drama for my close friends who can handle it.
I am getting my Pennsylvania EMT license re-instated. This is an emergency medical technician license, a step down from paramedic. This is a license I paid for with waitress wages and completed when I was 9 months pregnant with my second child, after paying 100% for his home-birth - no mooching off of the welfare system there for an unnecessary hospital birth when I could do it all on my own and did. . .
I worked as an EMT in New Jersey until I developed a rare heart condition with pregnancy and was forced to quit, then the license lapsed because I stayed at home with the babies when my husband left. Now, that's not so dramatic, just the truth.
I also have an interview this afternoon for position of outstanding pay that would enable me to upgrade my equipment enough to seriously pursue the documentary and complete the bus.
Also, I have the need to clarify - I have worked all my life since I was 15. The only time I have not worked is right after my children were born. I paid for all of my college education. And I graduated with a bachelor's at age twenty. At the top of the class. After a full scholarship. I then worked for Americorps. That's supposed to make you feel like I gave back to the community. I have voluntarily chosen at this point in my life to physically remove those things that I am not entitled to because it's not an equal agreement -remove those and for a short while I was homeless. Now, it's an equal situation. I only say the next sentence for those whose imaginations run dry once money is not involved. . .
I could split the mortgage with my dear friend, who if you ask her, thinks I am helping her more then she is helping my family. If that is mooching, I suppose marriages are mooching, children under 12 are moochers, stay-at-home mothers are hippies and the president's kids are lazy. There have been in existence barter systems, communities, situations that are understood to be equal. I don't expect everyone to understand, I just hope they will.
In communities, we all have different jobs. Like the Christian church, Jesus Christ teaches that there are many parts to the body - you cannot have a face without a mouth and eyes, or a body with four hands and no feet. Some of us are meant to be doctors, trash collectors, teachers, artists, children, invalids, mentally retarded, raped, saved, imprisoned, addicts to give the counselors a job, photographers, dreamers, baristas, super-models (hahah), dog-catchers, preachers, homeless, and yes. . .hippies, if that's what Jesus was.
If I can bring about change without wealth, through equally sharing homes with others, without burdening the welfare system needlessly - then it won't be with getting a 9-5, leaving my kids at school for 11 hours a day - 55 hours a week. It will be from the inside, from teaching them the importance of life and love, what is necessary, what is frivolous. And so very much is frivolous.
“We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.”
- Mother Teresa
“Who, being loved, is poor?”
- Oscar Wilde
“But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.”
- William Yeats
“The mother of revolution and crime is poverty”
- Aristotle
Monday, December 12, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Mysteries of the Faith
Well, the Faith has been challenged and questioned, and truthfully, I've failed completely at having any. To have a constant reminder, I had 'faith' tattooed on my wrist, believing that word in such a constantly viewed place would lend me a stronger belief, leading to that peace that no one can understand.
Here I sit in the spare room - the 'craft' room - the boys' newest room in southwest Philly suburbs, contemplating all that I've lost, or never had, or lacked, and how to start over. Again. I'm 33 and it seems like I keep on starting over. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Last night Anna and I talked late into the am, I - admitting my blindspots and also realizing how I am doing what I intended to do - community. It's not in-place, pre-conceived, standard-set - more like fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants and need and love-based. This is the third home we've lived in since late August, and the third home with children. First it was two children, married friends, then a single mom of three, now a single mom of one. There are chores here and I have a certain barter agreement that helps both families wonderfully. There are expectations and freedom. It is a small scale of how communities work, maybe for me it's a great exercise and model for how relationships work. I say for me, but really for everyone involved.
Since moving here, 15 minutes from Philadelphia, where Mercury was born and I met her father, our first intended stop on the proposed bus journey - I have had waves of doubt, panic, depression, excitement, motivation, exhaustion, and constant reflection. Because of needs I see now I have re-configured the entire idea of a bus. I'm not sure into what - Sirius sits in North Carolina in my friend's yard between his farmhouse and an old graveyard, snugly resting under some pines and maples, equally watching over the dearly departed, solemning gaurding over the crumbling, moss-embraced stones and my single father friend and his sweet son on the other side - a symbolic dividing wall of physical life and death. . .I accidentally left the boys' winter coats tucked away on the bus. We are truly living simply, and it does feel great, not lacking, up in the great northeast - where even my friend goes a bit overboard for Christmas. It's an increasingly material world, and being in a metropolitan area, it has really hit. I'm so proud of the kids, though - First we sell most of our possessions (toys and clothes and shoes included - how many shoes do kids need in America??), then pack our remaining things on a school bus. Then pack a much smaller amount into our Honda Civic (the old version, the antique - 1992), and you'll never guess how well they are doing and how much they appreciate and how little they want for. They play for hours with the same handful of legos. Mercury carries her doll everywhere and makes things constantly for her instead of whining about the brand name accessories available that question my ethics and values - 'American Girl' dolls all made in China and exceptionally expensive, yet neccessary if you are anyone in the public's eye. I was bought a very expensive ticket to see one of my favorite bands, The Cure, in NYC - all I had to wear were some workout pants and a plain blue t-shirt. Ten years ago I may have decided against attending if it meant no flashy wardrobe to be doned. But i was thankful I had something clean. Being surrounded by constant shopping and nicer cars and cable tv (OH NO!!!!!!) and especially the month of December has really been an interesting lesson in simplicity.
Speaking of, no - I still haven't been down to the Simple Way, because before my ideals and dreams comes my children, which I've looked over in ways since our initial fail to set sail in September, so this adjusting time has been spent on them. . .But truly, I think of Sirius and traveling the country and experiencing all the different communities on a level where we are involved. . .well, i wanted simple - we have it - I wanted community with our direct involvement and participation - we have it - I wanted travel - well, we are 500 miles from where we begun. . .
Now my focus includes auto-focus on my Nikon, documenting my journey for home and my kids' journey as a result, whatever that looks like, wherever that is, with whomever it is with. Our bouncing around isn't random, isn't failure, isn't punishment, isn't a reflection of my shortcoming - it's been a gift, it HAS been planned - just not by me (by the Universe, God) - it is and has been golden opportunity to change and grow, to be truly thankful this Thanksgiving - for beds and warmth and a working toilet, for socks and friends who care, for friends who open up everything without holding back at all. This short 3 months has seemed like a lifetime, and has been - from an engagement to single, extreme poverty, incredible people, sailboats, ICU's, hard work, tears and panic and tattoes, pretending to be normal, finding God in the most un-likey places like my tears in my car 2 hours from where I call home last night, running on empty for 96 miles through the city throbbed with optical glows in ebbs and flows down I95. . .
God and I had a nice conversation last night and I kinda got the feeling God was telling me I've not only lost focus of the point in my sites, but dropped the spy glass all together. God was very gentle about it all, though. This morning I am beginning to look for that spy glass - I think I dropped it in the car. . .
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Once Upon a Time
Once upon a time, there was a birth, then another, then another, then a death. Then there were closets and boxes and tables overflowing with ideas and pictures never taken and futures not fitting. There was chaos and sadness and an emptiness that was strangely filled with invisible, un-attainable things that were supposed to happen. Anniversaries and autumns and re-runs, aging with dignity, treasures, love that knew no limits, and photographs, pictures, snapshots - words.
Like misfires in an engine, there were sparks of light that appeared, sometimes only once in 3 months, and new hope and concepts and truths were lit for milliseconds, or sometimes even entire hours, days, until something physical manifested from the blinks of light - a Bus. Working with vigor, with solitude, with tears, with humans who loved the idea, or sometimes just loved me, this object we can touch was transformed into something not unlike a dwelling suitable for three small humans and one small adult human. Not unlike in that it still lacked some integral components.
Then the small larger human took too many steps forward without looking and fell down a dark, mossy, steep flight of steps into an empty cellar, breaking some steps on the way down down down. The smaller humans, having their proverbial trunks around each other's tails as the pachyderms do, tumbled down down down also. Though it was a cellar, which is built to be a constant, it was sometimes very cold, sometimes too bright, sometimes - mostly - too dark to see a way to fix those steps and climb back to that Bus, sitting in an empty parking lot, was waiting to be a freebird.
All four of those humans with big hearts and bright eyes sat in that cellar and through much sorrow and discontent, worked diligently to repair the steps, with stones dug up with tiny bare hands in the very ground that held them up and cradled them as they rested. A stone step cannot be broken. These are the lessons and blessings we all have to share and to be thankful for.
Those steps led out to somewhere unexpected, not an empty lot or a new house or a heaven or a hell. They led out to another room, empty, and filled with possibility. Like a video game where you have to escape, or a demanding nightmare, but only in a certain perception. There is no 'getting out' - there is adaptation and acceptance and seeing blessings just like some see auras and angels. There are steps, but these are also perceptions that cannot be legitimized or proven. There are windows and doors and there are also roofs above us to be thanked and floors beneath us - be it the dirt in the woods, the sand on the beach, the waters of the oceans. But there is also the space beside us, between us, and the space that needs to be taken away and the important things seen.
Because of this story I tell you, I have begun my quest and inquiry and demand of community, but in a much different way - heck, nothing I had planned - it was a run and jump down into a cellar with mice and roaches (literally), yet, I have been gaining vision of all that is beautiful and doable and real. Having love beats all. Having love hurts, as I wonder what I'm doing each night once the children are slumbering in their perfect ways, with their perfect faces releasing all their perfect beauty with light that deems it unnecessary to use a night light. What the hell am I doing? On the quest for the Great White Owl (see Hank the Cowdog) of ideals and the love and wisdom I see in my kids? On the quest for the Unbearable Lightness of Being? No no no - that was college. . . now that I'm a parent, single, poor, well - I should know something better. . .Educated, talented, tiredless - why the conflict?
Why should parents be left to struggle? Don't we as a community assist many others? Maybe that answer is no, too. Maybe I'm just not a shut-in, or disabled, or a vet, or an orphan, or a minority, or a drug addict, or a senior widow. Maybe it's just my plight, my decisions, my life that I see slipping in the cracks you walk over. Maybe it's everybody? Yes - the latter - we ALL need each other in more ways then we chose to recognize except on new year's tipsy celebrations or at weddings or funerals. Hey - let's look out for one another - not judge, not feel sorry for, not shed mercy on - but really, let's see ourselves in each other.
We're on our way to our first original destination in 11 days - Philadelphia and the Simple Way. I have decided to forfeit our time at the farm in lieu of 3 and a half months living with another dear single mother friend up north. This gives me the most time at the community I most wanted to visit. We'll see what happens from there. The bus will be residing at a friend's house in NC, just over the border, where she will be warm under the tall locusts and sleep peacefully bordered by an old graveyard - you see, whether we acknowledge or not in our lives here - most of us end up in such a peaceful community. . . (that's not a tasteless joke either, it's a lovely little ironic, thoughtful snicker)
Those stone steps are permanent fixtures now. . .
Like misfires in an engine, there were sparks of light that appeared, sometimes only once in 3 months, and new hope and concepts and truths were lit for milliseconds, or sometimes even entire hours, days, until something physical manifested from the blinks of light - a Bus. Working with vigor, with solitude, with tears, with humans who loved the idea, or sometimes just loved me, this object we can touch was transformed into something not unlike a dwelling suitable for three small humans and one small adult human. Not unlike in that it still lacked some integral components.
Then the small larger human took too many steps forward without looking and fell down a dark, mossy, steep flight of steps into an empty cellar, breaking some steps on the way down down down. The smaller humans, having their proverbial trunks around each other's tails as the pachyderms do, tumbled down down down also. Though it was a cellar, which is built to be a constant, it was sometimes very cold, sometimes too bright, sometimes - mostly - too dark to see a way to fix those steps and climb back to that Bus, sitting in an empty parking lot, was waiting to be a freebird.
All four of those humans with big hearts and bright eyes sat in that cellar and through much sorrow and discontent, worked diligently to repair the steps, with stones dug up with tiny bare hands in the very ground that held them up and cradled them as they rested. A stone step cannot be broken. These are the lessons and blessings we all have to share and to be thankful for.
Those steps led out to somewhere unexpected, not an empty lot or a new house or a heaven or a hell. They led out to another room, empty, and filled with possibility. Like a video game where you have to escape, or a demanding nightmare, but only in a certain perception. There is no 'getting out' - there is adaptation and acceptance and seeing blessings just like some see auras and angels. There are steps, but these are also perceptions that cannot be legitimized or proven. There are windows and doors and there are also roofs above us to be thanked and floors beneath us - be it the dirt in the woods, the sand on the beach, the waters of the oceans. But there is also the space beside us, between us, and the space that needs to be taken away and the important things seen.
Because of this story I tell you, I have begun my quest and inquiry and demand of community, but in a much different way - heck, nothing I had planned - it was a run and jump down into a cellar with mice and roaches (literally), yet, I have been gaining vision of all that is beautiful and doable and real. Having love beats all. Having love hurts, as I wonder what I'm doing each night once the children are slumbering in their perfect ways, with their perfect faces releasing all their perfect beauty with light that deems it unnecessary to use a night light. What the hell am I doing? On the quest for the Great White Owl (see Hank the Cowdog) of ideals and the love and wisdom I see in my kids? On the quest for the Unbearable Lightness of Being? No no no - that was college. . . now that I'm a parent, single, poor, well - I should know something better. . .Educated, talented, tiredless - why the conflict?
Why should parents be left to struggle? Don't we as a community assist many others? Maybe that answer is no, too. Maybe I'm just not a shut-in, or disabled, or a vet, or an orphan, or a minority, or a drug addict, or a senior widow. Maybe it's just my plight, my decisions, my life that I see slipping in the cracks you walk over. Maybe it's everybody? Yes - the latter - we ALL need each other in more ways then we chose to recognize except on new year's tipsy celebrations or at weddings or funerals. Hey - let's look out for one another - not judge, not feel sorry for, not shed mercy on - but really, let's see ourselves in each other.
We're on our way to our first original destination in 11 days - Philadelphia and the Simple Way. I have decided to forfeit our time at the farm in lieu of 3 and a half months living with another dear single mother friend up north. This gives me the most time at the community I most wanted to visit. We'll see what happens from there. The bus will be residing at a friend's house in NC, just over the border, where she will be warm under the tall locusts and sleep peacefully bordered by an old graveyard - you see, whether we acknowledge or not in our lives here - most of us end up in such a peaceful community. . . (that's not a tasteless joke either, it's a lovely little ironic, thoughtful snicker)
Those stone steps are permanent fixtures now. . .
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Yeah I'm doing it. I'm doing something. . .
Did I mention I've already begun my journey? Not as I pictured it, to take from my friend's documentary title (Not as I pictured It), but heck yeah, we're living in a community - another single mom with three small kids, looking forward to living on a community based farm for the winter int he bus, and STILL working on getting things together enough to travel, to take care of ourselves. Yes, we're homeschooling - a single parent, and yes, I'm still working as much as I can. See how easy this is? Shiz. . .
Monday, October 17, 2011
An Old Love Letter From August
My humility began as a humble pride with Sirius, so after the last week in Asheville with my buddy Dave Keister gently reinforcing that humility passively, I can now say I'm in stage 2 of learning to humble myself. I can't fully speak for Matthew, but he definitely feels the same way.
Ezekiel is into week 5 in New Jersey with his dad and grandparents - us thinking we'd be on the road about 2 weeks ago. . .I am in pieces about that - but of any of my three children, Ezekiel is the strongest and most independent, so it's myself that I worry about being so homesick for him. He's just fine and his time with his dad and other family is a good thing. Being pressured to make this start to Philadelphia asap has caused me to overlook many many things - the un-readiness of the bus and ourselves as far as knowledge goes - mentally we are all 5 prepared for the road - physically, the bus is basically a big steel tent. There are bunks and chairs. Here's what's not there - security, electricity, heat, water. I justified and excused all that lack of necessities in the form of seeing us as mobile campers. I mean, hikers on the AT don't have heat, electricity, running water, right? Yes, Sabrina, but the point of the bus is to be a mobile and independent home - a place where we have a self-contained and independent environment. A place where we can cook, wash, use the toilet, charge our cell phones and laptop, keep warm in this weather, eluding quickly to chilly autumn nights, and a peaceful place to rest.
Our priority still lays with the fuel system addition to include the veggie oil system. About a month ago Dave was set to come down to Tennessee from North Carolina and do the conversion, something I grasped with un-abashed naivete. The day before he was set, he gave me a call - "How much do you have set aside?" Me, "about $400 for parts". Dave respectfully let me know it would be more in the area of $1200. Ok, I said, no worries, even though I usually don't come across that sort of money unless it's refund season. I just don't have that business-set mind. But through God's patient support Matthew was able to come up with $1000 within a week through some completely un-expected situations. And no, nothing illegal! So we continue on in our blind-sighted progress, concerned with cleaning out the house and manicuring the property, focusing on bills and making sure the kids are getting enough learning experiences everyday, then onto moving out almost 2 weeks ago. I drove the bus without any problems down my friends' narrow driveway in Bristol and lined up the bus all neat. There was a week of un-spoken chaos as my friends Emily and Adam welcomed our misfit crew into their home - two kids drawn wild with summer and craving some formal lessons or any manner of schedule, my dog Sammi who we have sadly learned is not going to come with us because of socialization issues, me with my frazzled and open-ended ideas and not much follow through, and Matthew who is trying with his big heart to still just find his place with me and the kids and now my friends' home. Blessed are the crazies, for they mean well and they shall one day be sane. . .
Sunday was my last day of work. I gloated in the exit, sure to never return to the food industry, confident that my creative visions would begin to come to form. Monday my mom agreed to take Samson and Mercury for the next 4 days while we drove the bus and car to Asheville for the conversion, ordered parts and more then enough money (somehow) in hand. We were set on staying in the car a few nights as a motel room was out of the question considering our budget. Monday tropical storm Lee's afterthoughts were upon the mountainous climb to NC, but the wipers proved well. The headlights were discovered to not work, though, and the roof hatch STILL leaks and Sammi sure enough HATES the bus. I got lost. Twice. I wasn't as excited as I should have been when we pulled up, though I was very proud to have handled the driveways narrow switchback on gravel and the threat of a fence to the left. Not bad driving, Sabrina. But oh how that pride is rightfully crushed! As I should have been finding a way to update everyday as we were patiently walked through the engineering and mechanics, I will summarize - I number one, have as much knowledge of the system as I can and have explained to the kids and others - number two, I have not been able to sleep at night because I know that time is passing without me constantly filling my head with knowledge of all in that I lack - basically everything I'm wanting to do.
So the system Dave created for us is amazing. Sure he personally didn't come up with the idea - actually Rudolph Diesel did more then a hundred years ago - but he did refine it to our specific needs and the vehicle. Something Greasecar or Frybrid would charge $4000 or more for. And so the cost of parts and the very very scant wages we could afford to reimburse Dave and his welder friend Ed and our tiny 'Thanks' to Keith who apparently volunteered 4 days of labor left us with about $150 for the rest of the month. And this was after I told Dave we couldn't afford the electric system needed for the pumps. . .so as of now, we are back at Emily and Adam's in Bristol with Sirius - all converted except for the electricity and the two tanks were left in Asheville for when we return in about a month. Give or take.
Last night at the rest area high in the cloud shrouded mountains between here and there, after a chance meeting with Micheal, another engineering Christian-anti-establishment hippie genius truck driver with an amazing heart, I awoke at 3am to pounding waves of doubt and confusion and anxiety. How was I to learn even the basics of mechanics, engineering, electricity, composting, plumbing, and carpentry without even mentioning refining the whole concept of what I thought I was doing? a couple chapters from Proverbs set me straight, or rather, enlightened me to the idea of self-confidence where it's not rightly due is a fool. I am a fool.
But the beautiful thing? The perfect and reassuring fact? I have a good heart. When Dave asked me to sum up the message I want to send with all this, I said, that if I can do it - if I of all people am able to pull off this alternative to the systems we have, then anyone can. I'm not brilliant in much but love, I'm horrible at making money, I've put together a bus that has hypocritical points (non-renewable sourced wood because it was all I could afford, for instance) to my vision, I'm terribly un-prepared, and my plan to make a film has its backing in only my faith, I cannot secure any sponsors until I'm at least self-contained lest I waste other's time. . .but you know what? I am going to do this, WE are, through battles with doubt and confusion and ignorance, it only helps the concept to prove its truth - that we are all capable of change and supporting each other. . .
Sails away, kids away, finding our way
I was invited to participate in a sailboat race at the lake where I work. A windy beautiful warm autumn day with new friends, 45/50 degrees down into the water with wet sails, and a larger vocabulary that includes jib and port and halyard. The freedom I've had since the kids have been with their dad and grandparents has me yearning for experiences never tasted, which also includes me bow-hunting this week. Yes, a vegetarian of 18 years. What does this have to do with community? Well, everything. The people I've met, my new friend Paul, wow - just wow. Paul has lived on his sailboat for almost a year, taking care of Doug, a Vietnam vet who surprisingly has lived on a bus. I have seen this incredible love for one another, an amazing community at a dock no less. And let's not forget the lessons I've been learning sharing a house with Danielle and her three small children. . .more of an experiment then anything, but patience, love, respect, and communication are the mainstays of any working community, go figure. It's been nice having learned that first hand, before I threw me and the kids out into much larger, working communities with our hands up in the air and our jaws dropped - just how un-prepared for most everything from rough living to homogenizing our family with the world is shocking, but we've been BLESSED to have had this last month to work together with each other, all the friends old and new helping out, and the world at large - the Community at large.
Think about it - what would I have in common with a 60-some disabled vet whose love of Natural Light is a love affair is almost sweet at times? More then I would have guessed. I'm not tentative of accepting and loving folks. It'll be a test of my word to teach the kids all about different people, but oh how exciting. And through all this hanging out on the dock in-between work and talking philosophies and being landlocked on a gorgeous lake surrounded by mountains and the sounds of the rattling kaleidoscope canopies, the lines chiming against the masts, I have re-gained a faith in people, in God's creation, in myself. I've actually learned somethings about living on the road, how not to take advantage, but rather barter in everything, even language - someone says something nice, you reimburse them with something nice. I've enjoyed some lively discussions about karma lately. . .
So today I met with some amazing people - Amos and Kaci - these two young, balanced-idealists who own Trosly Farm in Elk Park, North Carolina. It's a working, community-based farm that they began by themselves about 2 years ago, and have managed to almost completely work the farm for their own financial sustainability. It's a beautiful example of what can be done with the right combination of faith and hard work and ideals, though obviously, ideals need to be toned down sometimes, to be realized as ideals and be varied from that point, to paraphrase Amos today this afternoon. They have agreed, in exchange for conditioned work on some buildings and chores with the animals, pre-determined hours - to allow Sirius to be parked on their property for the 4 hardest months of winter. This afternoon my head is reeling with all that needs to be done to quickly make our lives on the bus as self-sufficient as possible - namely the wood stove, a cord of wood brought up to the farm, figuring out the logistics of Internet access where it's not really accessible - for part of the winter we will be absolutely beyond a doubt snowed in. My little front wheel drive won't help out and unfortunately we rely on that instead of horses anymore. . .So there are some potential complications when it comes to updating the blog, emailing, or even telephone communications - but the bright side of all this is that we will be so remote and with things always to do that probably 60% of the time are new experiences - this is the education I've been needing. So work ends for the season October 30, and I hope to be parked in Elk Park November 2nd, learning to process poultry (again, what's up with that? a wonderful experience that I can use to help others out with in the future - you need someone to roust up the chickens for dinner? Ok, I can do that!) and keep warm. What an excellent life I am gearing up for. Actually, back last November when I had an actual producer that flew out from LA to film us a bit, we did a short interview with Amos on their farm, talking agriculture, and most importantly the silk-strong connection food and how it's grown has effect on everything everything everything. An organic community-based, small farm with a couple that is willing to stick to their beliefs and faith. It's just no question the last 2 years has brought me to this junction for a specific reason. I can see it clearly. Money would still be a nice thing, but I'm not even sure I believe that. Capability is a much 'nicer' thing, or should I say, necessary. Which bring me full circle to sailing. No more doubts that I can't learn, which was an underlying theme from an August entry that was never posted. I'll just go ahead and put that up there out-of-order, it's more of an intimate view of my views out these eyes, though the last little bit is tinged with sadness that Matthew and I just didn't work. . . sometimes sometimes isn't enough and it has to be a peaceful parting. . .
Think about it - what would I have in common with a 60-some disabled vet whose love of Natural Light is a love affair is almost sweet at times? More then I would have guessed. I'm not tentative of accepting and loving folks. It'll be a test of my word to teach the kids all about different people, but oh how exciting. And through all this hanging out on the dock in-between work and talking philosophies and being landlocked on a gorgeous lake surrounded by mountains and the sounds of the rattling kaleidoscope canopies, the lines chiming against the masts, I have re-gained a faith in people, in God's creation, in myself. I've actually learned somethings about living on the road, how not to take advantage, but rather barter in everything, even language - someone says something nice, you reimburse them with something nice. I've enjoyed some lively discussions about karma lately. . .
So today I met with some amazing people - Amos and Kaci - these two young, balanced-idealists who own Trosly Farm in Elk Park, North Carolina. It's a working, community-based farm that they began by themselves about 2 years ago, and have managed to almost completely work the farm for their own financial sustainability. It's a beautiful example of what can be done with the right combination of faith and hard work and ideals, though obviously, ideals need to be toned down sometimes, to be realized as ideals and be varied from that point, to paraphrase Amos today this afternoon. They have agreed, in exchange for conditioned work on some buildings and chores with the animals, pre-determined hours - to allow Sirius to be parked on their property for the 4 hardest months of winter. This afternoon my head is reeling with all that needs to be done to quickly make our lives on the bus as self-sufficient as possible - namely the wood stove, a cord of wood brought up to the farm, figuring out the logistics of Internet access where it's not really accessible - for part of the winter we will be absolutely beyond a doubt snowed in. My little front wheel drive won't help out and unfortunately we rely on that instead of horses anymore. . .So there are some potential complications when it comes to updating the blog, emailing, or even telephone communications - but the bright side of all this is that we will be so remote and with things always to do that probably 60% of the time are new experiences - this is the education I've been needing. So work ends for the season October 30, and I hope to be parked in Elk Park November 2nd, learning to process poultry (again, what's up with that? a wonderful experience that I can use to help others out with in the future - you need someone to roust up the chickens for dinner? Ok, I can do that!) and keep warm. What an excellent life I am gearing up for. Actually, back last November when I had an actual producer that flew out from LA to film us a bit, we did a short interview with Amos on their farm, talking agriculture, and most importantly the silk-strong connection food and how it's grown has effect on everything everything everything. An organic community-based, small farm with a couple that is willing to stick to their beliefs and faith. It's just no question the last 2 years has brought me to this junction for a specific reason. I can see it clearly. Money would still be a nice thing, but I'm not even sure I believe that. Capability is a much 'nicer' thing, or should I say, necessary. Which bring me full circle to sailing. No more doubts that I can't learn, which was an underlying theme from an August entry that was never posted. I'll just go ahead and put that up there out-of-order, it's more of an intimate view of my views out these eyes, though the last little bit is tinged with sadness that Matthew and I just didn't work. . . sometimes sometimes isn't enough and it has to be a peaceful parting. . .
Friday, October 14, 2011
Sabrina
the magic of clarity, and the journey to It
Three weeks technically homeless, the bus ran out of funds, I broke off the 8 week engagement and slept on the bus in parking lots, the car, two sailboats, many floors, blessed hotels (which slept the worst), and a handful of couches and for near a night, a sandy lake beach. I am back to work until the season ends. I am again in the same situation I wanted to avoid, but I can't be happier about it - afterall I was the one who said I learn best through first hand experience.
I have learned that I need much to learn, and I have also seen the opportunities to learn things appear out of nowhere, constantly. I guess, just like all the mauve-colored cars you only notice around you right after you purchase one yourself, that these lessons and knowledges were all around, the entire time. I was just having too much fun, and too much distraction with such things as appearances this summer and my life the 15 years prior, to pay attention. Such wasted moments, but in my present realizations, no, not really.
So this clarity of thought, clarity in explanation, this is my downfall, or rather, my newest opportunity now. As I half-way have gone back on what I feel is one of the difficult options for single-parents - to go back to school - I am finishing up my Yale application for their graduate nurse-midwifery program - as I read over the instructions for the essay questions, and the manner in which they would be evaluated, there was another gem I found in simple instructions - who would have thought - Oh! the wonder! - the essays will be evaluated on "clarity of thought". Dang! I had such cloudiness that just that description was a blessing - that's my focus - is to have clarity of thought. Not updating the blog since August and re-uniting with friends of years ago both share in that lack of clarity of thought once I try to catch up - just look how this entry was begun - what a whale of a mess.
Clarity of thought and an invariable passion, trying to make sentences make sense. If you're reading this because you saw the address of the side of my bus, you know it's parked in an empty lot. The kids don't know why we aren't sleeping there every night. Go figure, God gives them that peace we sing and preach about and then the folks at church instill fears when someone has the faith enough to put it into practice. My mom calls it testing God. I call it having faith. Society call it unstable and inappropriate, I say society is unstable and inappropriate. Did you notice I'm not doing a good job with clarity or a smooth, easy to read flow of thought? Good. That's purposeful. I watched 5 hours of the history channel the other night when I had the chance to sleep in a hotel and act 'normal'. There's no gold in Fort Knox, this world is disasterously beautiful with life and death and innumerable mysteries and wars and Gods and gods and rainbow serpents. That's just THIS world. I didn't even mention the universe. It's pretty dang confusing, but with my second long night of philosophizing on a sailboat with a new friend, we agreed it's still all pretty damn simple - there is energy, love is energy, God is love - love. There's too many people trying to complicate things.
And I'm not about to sell the bus. Just think that maybe that bus wasn't meant to travel too far. Not sure what it's meant to do. But keeping our eye on the ball, human rights, responsible and peaceful hearts, well, let's just keep it simple. I'll learn how to slaughter chickens hopefully and then I'll be in a primitive way, with a smaller, quieter vocabulary, thus - I will stumble upon my elusive clarity, I know it's there. . .
peace, love, and clarity on the road discovering my community in strings of random acts of love, kindness, and. . .clarity
I have learned that I need much to learn, and I have also seen the opportunities to learn things appear out of nowhere, constantly. I guess, just like all the mauve-colored cars you only notice around you right after you purchase one yourself, that these lessons and knowledges were all around, the entire time. I was just having too much fun, and too much distraction with such things as appearances this summer and my life the 15 years prior, to pay attention. Such wasted moments, but in my present realizations, no, not really.
So this clarity of thought, clarity in explanation, this is my downfall, or rather, my newest opportunity now. As I half-way have gone back on what I feel is one of the difficult options for single-parents - to go back to school - I am finishing up my Yale application for their graduate nurse-midwifery program - as I read over the instructions for the essay questions, and the manner in which they would be evaluated, there was another gem I found in simple instructions - who would have thought - Oh! the wonder! - the essays will be evaluated on "clarity of thought". Dang! I had such cloudiness that just that description was a blessing - that's my focus - is to have clarity of thought. Not updating the blog since August and re-uniting with friends of years ago both share in that lack of clarity of thought once I try to catch up - just look how this entry was begun - what a whale of a mess.
Clarity of thought and an invariable passion, trying to make sentences make sense. If you're reading this because you saw the address of the side of my bus, you know it's parked in an empty lot. The kids don't know why we aren't sleeping there every night. Go figure, God gives them that peace we sing and preach about and then the folks at church instill fears when someone has the faith enough to put it into practice. My mom calls it testing God. I call it having faith. Society call it unstable and inappropriate, I say society is unstable and inappropriate. Did you notice I'm not doing a good job with clarity or a smooth, easy to read flow of thought? Good. That's purposeful. I watched 5 hours of the history channel the other night when I had the chance to sleep in a hotel and act 'normal'. There's no gold in Fort Knox, this world is disasterously beautiful with life and death and innumerable mysteries and wars and Gods and gods and rainbow serpents. That's just THIS world. I didn't even mention the universe. It's pretty dang confusing, but with my second long night of philosophizing on a sailboat with a new friend, we agreed it's still all pretty damn simple - there is energy, love is energy, God is love - love. There's too many people trying to complicate things.
And I'm not about to sell the bus. Just think that maybe that bus wasn't meant to travel too far. Not sure what it's meant to do. But keeping our eye on the ball, human rights, responsible and peaceful hearts, well, let's just keep it simple. I'll learn how to slaughter chickens hopefully and then I'll be in a primitive way, with a smaller, quieter vocabulary, thus - I will stumble upon my elusive clarity, I know it's there. . .
peace, love, and clarity on the road discovering my community in strings of random acts of love, kindness, and. . .clarity
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
no need for flowery s@#%
View from bathroom to kitchen
 |
| Mercury painting |
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Did I mention the documentary photographic essay of our lives in motion?
Peter Ford's bus in North Carolina - don't let the exterior fool you - it had a giant flat screen TV, leather couch, and is fully converted to veggie oil. Peter gave us the run-down on his system and has been available by phone anytime. Yeah, central cool is right. . .
Ez at an archery lesson, Cub Scout campout - thanks Finnessee for taking the boys. The community I have here already is amazing.
Me and Ezekiel at the ice cream shop inside the original small town cinema - we prefer supporting that and the drive in across the street then the newest cinematic technology. . .
Here's my Matthew and me
Mercury in the bus, keeping me company as I wash the ceilings in preparation for painting.
Mercury and her new sister, Haley
Samson and I found a tomato hornworm moth in our kitchen one morning this summer. This took up most of the morning.
Samson in an Asheville cafe before we visited Peter's bus nearby.
This poster was hanging above Samson at the cafe. It was an auspicious sign, shortly before our meeting with Peter. It also describes our family to a tee. Absurdist being the first adjective. . .
The Ridiculous Banana Waffle Argument
Night three just ended of horrendous sleep quality. Only one child was restless enough to come into bed with me (again) although I heard 2 of them talking in their sleep and Mercury was scared enough of the previous night's nightmare that she slept in the top bunk in the boys' room. . .last night it was Matthew who was up, in a seemingly constant state of panic throughout the night. Wow, there's alot of tension and anxiety in the air around here. I plan on alleviating some of that by making the bus pretty today. I am going to finish painting the walls yellow and the little spots on the ceiling and in between the windows a wonderfully calming blue, and giving my mom the material to sew the curtains, and installing the curtain rods. That's a do-list that I can accomplish for sure in a day. . .
Right now I am still standing my ground that the waffles the boys are eating do NOT have bananas in them. Samson is adamant about his theory. I will see, THEN I will paint. . .
Here are photos I took last week. I have so many photos and videos, but the old G4 I bought off craigslist to replace my shot one is sadly insufficient for video - I'm realizing everytime I pick this up how I got what I paid for. . .little glitches, no DVD player (holy cow!), not enough disk space to upload video or photos, and for some reason it is exceedingly difficult to download photos from my email. With all this technology, it would seem getting photos on a blog should be easier. And bam - there's my complaining done for the day - I've reached my ceiling on whining. . Here's to a finished paint job today! And berry waffles!
Right now I am still standing my ground that the waffles the boys are eating do NOT have bananas in them. Samson is adamant about his theory. I will see, THEN I will paint. . .
Here are photos I took last week. I have so many photos and videos, but the old G4 I bought off craigslist to replace my shot one is sadly insufficient for video - I'm realizing everytime I pick this up how I got what I paid for. . .little glitches, no DVD player (holy cow!), not enough disk space to upload video or photos, and for some reason it is exceedingly difficult to download photos from my email. With all this technology, it would seem getting photos on a blog should be easier. And bam - there's my complaining done for the day - I've reached my ceiling on whining. . Here's to a finished paint job today! And berry waffles!
Mercury took this of me last week, washing the ceiling before painting. Here's the framed out bunks, loft, kitchen on the right and bathroom on the left. The bathroom is just the composting toilet - I have a solar shower that will hang outside. Giving up baths is going to be one of the most difficult transitions for the kids. . .
Figured I'd at least put some sort of exterior photo since I painted it white last fall. . .a blank canvas for artists we meet on the road and in the communities, to represent our nation-wide and even global community through art - a traveling reminder of community. . .
This is the blue that I am painting the ceiling - this was last week as I was doing it. It's all blue now.
Monday, August 8, 2011
And then there was five
I've been busy. It's been a scant summer for posting, and I've learned my lesson - that this neglect cannot continue, but I still find myself distracted by other things. . .this ruby engagement ring on my finger - the finger that forgot how to type. . .and I've had a difficult time re-arranging my entire last 3 or 4 years' ideas into including a husband/partner. The first few words describing this blog state 'single parent family'. It's a strange and bittersweet metamorphosis, for all. There is heavy energy in the house as we enter into the dawn of the last week here. It's about 30 minutes before sunrise and I was awoken by Samson about 2 hours ago with his nightmares, thankful that he woke me from mine. I couldn't rest enough to dose back off, with everything stirring in my head. We have to be out of this house by August 15, then we are taking 2 weeks (or more) to finish up details on the bus while we stay with friends in the town next door. Sounds simple. But like I said, I've been distracted. . .
Matthew proposed to me 8 days ago. We have a quick history, but I have also been granted a gift of sensitivity and response when it comes to the truth. . .and though I try my best to deny the truth many times, I can't fight it, and after talking about what sense it would make both logically and passionately (yes, you can make passionate sense, it's wonderful) to get married a few months ago - I ran! Then what would you know but God's funny fate brought us back around to meet up after initial tests of honesty and intent were passed. . .the last 2 months with this man have been amazing - from pettily refusing to shift my concept as a single parent family, to agreeing having Matthew join us, then having 3 hour phone conversations every night when he visited family in California for a week, to changing my leave date, to changing OUR leave date, to missing him while I'm at a 5 hour work shift. Now I sit in the quiet, the growing dawn, while my dear children and dear husband-to-be slumber peacefully, wondering how this new logic will fit into my stubborn and independent attitude, and being humbly amazed how much I needed him to shake it up, a stark realization that the community I seek I sometimes push away for fear my strength and recognition will be diluted.
This dawn that's crawling up the damp mint outside those french doors that I can't claim anymore, this dawn seems to be lighting more then the outside world. It's guiding me to clarity and acceptance and a bounty of thankfulness I had given up on long ago. I'll raise my coffee to a toast - here's to all the grudge work procrastination has led me to in our final week, to friends grander then platinum for sure, and that I can now proudly say 'we' and 'our' includes a man, my man. . .
And there is my excuse - my wonderful, wonderful, wonderful excuse that is almost as good as calling out of work because you've got the runs - it ALWAYS works - I fell in love and nothing else has been quite as important as staring into his eyes. There's not much that can be multi-tasked in conjunction with that effort. But his eyes are still closed as I type, and there-in have I found my time again.
Tomorrow Dave is coming up from Asheville to convert the bus while we learn and do what we're told. We plan on 2 days to add the veggie oil fuel system. Then it's some major crunch time moving furniture around to friends' houses, finishing up the painting in the bus AND the house, the dividing walls, the sink, patching the roof, making this yard presentable, driving the 11 year old cat up to meet Jay in DC after work friday night, and driving back in time for work Saturday evening, and living on the bus in one week from today. Dang. Oh, and in the middle of all that, I turn 33. What a perfect number. That, or 5.
Matthew proposed to me 8 days ago. We have a quick history, but I have also been granted a gift of sensitivity and response when it comes to the truth. . .and though I try my best to deny the truth many times, I can't fight it, and after talking about what sense it would make both logically and passionately (yes, you can make passionate sense, it's wonderful) to get married a few months ago - I ran! Then what would you know but God's funny fate brought us back around to meet up after initial tests of honesty and intent were passed. . .the last 2 months with this man have been amazing - from pettily refusing to shift my concept as a single parent family, to agreeing having Matthew join us, then having 3 hour phone conversations every night when he visited family in California for a week, to changing my leave date, to changing OUR leave date, to missing him while I'm at a 5 hour work shift. Now I sit in the quiet, the growing dawn, while my dear children and dear husband-to-be slumber peacefully, wondering how this new logic will fit into my stubborn and independent attitude, and being humbly amazed how much I needed him to shake it up, a stark realization that the community I seek I sometimes push away for fear my strength and recognition will be diluted.
This dawn that's crawling up the damp mint outside those french doors that I can't claim anymore, this dawn seems to be lighting more then the outside world. It's guiding me to clarity and acceptance and a bounty of thankfulness I had given up on long ago. I'll raise my coffee to a toast - here's to all the grudge work procrastination has led me to in our final week, to friends grander then platinum for sure, and that I can now proudly say 'we' and 'our' includes a man, my man. . .
And there is my excuse - my wonderful, wonderful, wonderful excuse that is almost as good as calling out of work because you've got the runs - it ALWAYS works - I fell in love and nothing else has been quite as important as staring into his eyes. There's not much that can be multi-tasked in conjunction with that effort. But his eyes are still closed as I type, and there-in have I found my time again.
Tomorrow Dave is coming up from Asheville to convert the bus while we learn and do what we're told. We plan on 2 days to add the veggie oil fuel system. Then it's some major crunch time moving furniture around to friends' houses, finishing up the painting in the bus AND the house, the dividing walls, the sink, patching the roof, making this yard presentable, driving the 11 year old cat up to meet Jay in DC after work friday night, and driving back in time for work Saturday evening, and living on the bus in one week from today. Dang. Oh, and in the middle of all that, I turn 33. What a perfect number. That, or 5.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Time to make the most of it
So here I sit typing with my thumbs on my phone. This is the main reason I have not posted much in the last six weeks. Since my iBook bit the dust, the hand me down house pc died shortly thereafter, and I sadly realized today that the PowerBook I had been led to online, paid all the money (and even borrowed some) to purchase - well, it was a scam and that was an entire month ago that the transaction was made. Now it's some hassling around paypal to report the fraud and refund my meager $350. Which is a joke to find any decent apple laptop at that price. I'm more then a little depressed over th situations at hand recently - my main (only) help/worked on the bus - Matthew - has been gone to California for a week and will be busy with his own life upon return...we don't really know how to convert th fuel system, my ex-husband is in th hospital again after a ruptured appendix, battling some mysterious and very serious infection - causing me to question all - where is my faith and loyalty? Work was bizarrely slow last weekend - making about $200 in ny workweek and lacking even enough to pay the bills - I was paid one child support payment in th last three months, which totaled q third of one monthly payment. And obviously I can count on not receiving nay more payments fo at least a month...and feeling guilty that that perturbs me as jay lay ill in th hospital....
Now that I feel that negativity melting after getting most of my hinderances out in virtual ink, it's time to make th most of what I had and stop complaining about how difficult or impossible things seem -'things I tell my kids - just do it. Stop wasting your energy moaning about what we don't have and use your peers of resourcefulness to do the job. A computer would help but heck, look at this amazingthing in my hands, I just need to use my wit and learn to make it work fo m. Thank god for trial and Erie, how else would I be the mcgeyvor of mothers?? I'm meeting with an old hippie in NC Friday to ECM out his veggie oil converted international and trusting I can come up with the time and parts to recreate the conversion before the go date - now a solid August 7, even if that means driving it down the street until the conversion is com. Then unto Philly. Wfor now I'm on tubing for a decent apple laptop...for ch
Now that I feel that negativity melting after getting most of my hinderances out in virtual ink, it's time to make th most of what I had and stop complaining about how difficult or impossible things seem -'things I tell my kids - just do it. Stop wasting your energy moaning about what we don't have and use your peers of resourcefulness to do the job. A computer would help but heck, look at this amazingthing in my hands, I just need to use my wit and learn to make it work fo m. Thank god for trial and Erie, how else would I be the mcgeyvor of mothers?? I'm meeting with an old hippie in NC Friday to ECM out his veggie oil converted international and trusting I can come up with the time and parts to recreate the conversion before the go date - now a solid August 7, even if that means driving it down the street until the conversion is com. Then unto Philly. Wfor now I'm on tubing for a decent apple laptop...for ch
Monday, July 11, 2011
Who thought it could be so difficult?
To find time to make it to the library to catch this up. . .?
It's been ages since a new post, right? and to make things more awkward, my fingers are making me feel stupid - they have forgotten how to type on a full size keyboard - in a short month I have completely evolved (or de-volved) in a smart phone-thumb-typing fool. I'm sitting here in between two strangers (but sisters the same) in the public library trying not to make my surprise at the lack of dexterity in my typing skills obvious. . .
So the bus! Holy night how I am loving my house more and more. It's not even my house, but I'm falling in love with it. . .walking through at night while the kids sleep, the gradually opening spaces, shadows from night lights of street lights playing on the walls, the fans or the AC humming gently, oh yeah, did I mention the space? Meanwhile more things are getting boxed and stored or loaned to friends then I thought. . .I feel a slight failure in the total giving up of things. Though I have given my word to donate my car to a friend in need. I figure when I come back next fall the same will come back to me, in some fashion or another. Not gonna sweat it. . .I love how I can point to what God says in all of this seemingly very un-wise, completely un-planned next few years and say - see? he told us not to worry about tomorrow. . .
Also meanwhile, the bus is getting smaller. The bunks are in, the loft is in, the toilet is in, and today Matthew is working on the sink and counter top. We still have so much to do, and the time is short. The renters from Texas will be moving in August 15, but that doesn't give me the option to stay an extra 2 weeks because I know myself better then to accept that gift. . .nothing will get done until the last week. There is the roof hatches to be patched, but I need 2 full days of sun for that and our balmy Appalachian summer won't give it up without a grand thunderstorm right in the middle of the day. My friend Derrick the master welder has promised to weld on the thick metal I bought weeks ago to replace the broken back door glass. . .Locks must be installed, I've resorted to purchasing a wood stove in lieu of a rocket stove, which needs to be bought, the entire bus needs to be scrubbed, curtains made, some sort of seating - though it will be temporary - I am eventually investing in some safety seating for the kids that is forward facing and has seat belts. . .my brother is installing a cd player, my trucker friend Tiffany whom I haven't seen since college and who drove an hour and a half to see me for the party - she told me I must invest in a GPS, which she called by some trucker slang I've already forgotten. I learned alot that night, probably more then I wanted to, but certainly some stuff that will score me knowledge points at some junction in the future across this country.
So much to write about! Whew! Our family has been separated for the last 5 weeks - the boys were in NJ with their dad for three weeks, then because of un-mentioned situations, Jay could not drive them down on the set date, and he told me late the evening before - so because I couldn't make it another day without my boys, Matthew and I (I being the driver, but it's amazing the difference there is driving 10 hours solo with 3 kids and driving the same route with 1 kid and another adult. . .) booked it straight up to NJ, got the boys, left Mercury, and headed straight back down to TN. Less then 30 hours, and man - what a testimony to my kids' strength and flexibility and finesse. We crashed in a Maryland rest stop on the way back, and Ezekiel awoke at dawn shortly after I did, with the biggest smile on his face. These kids are meant for the crazy life. We had quite an adventurous journey back, all positive.
And now I am waiting for my new used powerbook i thing. I was corrected yesterday that it was indeed NOT an ibook. That was what died. Yet another little detour on my way out of here - I was blessed by being let go of my day job a month ago - it was not ideal anyway, and logistically, I probably wasn't even making any money considering the commute and the time with sitters. . .it was sudden and I texted my boss, telling her bluntly that it was inconsiderate to tell me that my job ended with only one day of warning. I received a check for 5 times what she owed me in the mail a few days later. That right there payed for my new used computer. The only problem is - the previous owner STILL hasn't mailed it, it being about 2 weeks overdue. Very frustrating, especially because I have so many photos and words to slap up here. And when it gets to be a three page post, you're going to get bored. But I guarantee that the last month has been anything but around here.
I've also been busy making eyes at Matthew. Which accounts for alot of 'lost' time. . .
I will be back at the library soon. For now I'm heading back home to freak out about leaving such a beautiful home. . .one of the nicest things at the end of a long road trip is knowing you have a shower and comfortable bed and AC and, oh yeah, space. . .I will admit this - it's seeming much more like a trial then an exciting prospect as the physical reality takes shape.
Oh, and there was the inccident of a failed attempt to recreate the shadows of some birch tree leaves on the bus at night with some Sharpie oil markers by Charlotte and Garret. . .sigh. Their hearts were in it. . .
It's been ages since a new post, right? and to make things more awkward, my fingers are making me feel stupid - they have forgotten how to type on a full size keyboard - in a short month I have completely evolved (or de-volved) in a smart phone-thumb-typing fool. I'm sitting here in between two strangers (but sisters the same) in the public library trying not to make my surprise at the lack of dexterity in my typing skills obvious. . .
So the bus! Holy night how I am loving my house more and more. It's not even my house, but I'm falling in love with it. . .walking through at night while the kids sleep, the gradually opening spaces, shadows from night lights of street lights playing on the walls, the fans or the AC humming gently, oh yeah, did I mention the space? Meanwhile more things are getting boxed and stored or loaned to friends then I thought. . .I feel a slight failure in the total giving up of things. Though I have given my word to donate my car to a friend in need. I figure when I come back next fall the same will come back to me, in some fashion or another. Not gonna sweat it. . .I love how I can point to what God says in all of this seemingly very un-wise, completely un-planned next few years and say - see? he told us not to worry about tomorrow. . .
Also meanwhile, the bus is getting smaller. The bunks are in, the loft is in, the toilet is in, and today Matthew is working on the sink and counter top. We still have so much to do, and the time is short. The renters from Texas will be moving in August 15, but that doesn't give me the option to stay an extra 2 weeks because I know myself better then to accept that gift. . .nothing will get done until the last week. There is the roof hatches to be patched, but I need 2 full days of sun for that and our balmy Appalachian summer won't give it up without a grand thunderstorm right in the middle of the day. My friend Derrick the master welder has promised to weld on the thick metal I bought weeks ago to replace the broken back door glass. . .Locks must be installed, I've resorted to purchasing a wood stove in lieu of a rocket stove, which needs to be bought, the entire bus needs to be scrubbed, curtains made, some sort of seating - though it will be temporary - I am eventually investing in some safety seating for the kids that is forward facing and has seat belts. . .my brother is installing a cd player, my trucker friend Tiffany whom I haven't seen since college and who drove an hour and a half to see me for the party - she told me I must invest in a GPS, which she called by some trucker slang I've already forgotten. I learned alot that night, probably more then I wanted to, but certainly some stuff that will score me knowledge points at some junction in the future across this country.
So much to write about! Whew! Our family has been separated for the last 5 weeks - the boys were in NJ with their dad for three weeks, then because of un-mentioned situations, Jay could not drive them down on the set date, and he told me late the evening before - so because I couldn't make it another day without my boys, Matthew and I (I being the driver, but it's amazing the difference there is driving 10 hours solo with 3 kids and driving the same route with 1 kid and another adult. . .) booked it straight up to NJ, got the boys, left Mercury, and headed straight back down to TN. Less then 30 hours, and man - what a testimony to my kids' strength and flexibility and finesse. We crashed in a Maryland rest stop on the way back, and Ezekiel awoke at dawn shortly after I did, with the biggest smile on his face. These kids are meant for the crazy life. We had quite an adventurous journey back, all positive.
And now I am waiting for my new used powerbook i thing. I was corrected yesterday that it was indeed NOT an ibook. That was what died. Yet another little detour on my way out of here - I was blessed by being let go of my day job a month ago - it was not ideal anyway, and logistically, I probably wasn't even making any money considering the commute and the time with sitters. . .it was sudden and I texted my boss, telling her bluntly that it was inconsiderate to tell me that my job ended with only one day of warning. I received a check for 5 times what she owed me in the mail a few days later. That right there payed for my new used computer. The only problem is - the previous owner STILL hasn't mailed it, it being about 2 weeks overdue. Very frustrating, especially because I have so many photos and words to slap up here. And when it gets to be a three page post, you're going to get bored. But I guarantee that the last month has been anything but around here.
I've also been busy making eyes at Matthew. Which accounts for alot of 'lost' time. . .
I will be back at the library soon. For now I'm heading back home to freak out about leaving such a beautiful home. . .one of the nicest things at the end of a long road trip is knowing you have a shower and comfortable bed and AC and, oh yeah, space. . .I will admit this - it's seeming much more like a trial then an exciting prospect as the physical reality takes shape.
Oh, and there was the inccident of a failed attempt to recreate the shadows of some birch tree leaves on the bus at night with some Sharpie oil markers by Charlotte and Garret. . .sigh. Their hearts were in it. . .
Monday, June 20, 2011
when I said later I meant. . .
I meant in two days I'll get on a real keyboard and elaborate. It's a wonder I'm not trying to type all this with my thumbs, and also a wonder how quickly we adapted to utilizing our unique little assets on the edges of our hands to typing. . .wonders abound.
Not to leave out the wonder of all that is happening now. Well, I've driven the bus downtown two days in a row to get paneling - the first was much too flimsy. It was a nice little story and example of having what we need with some faith and trust - and then realizing when we got back and Matthew begin cutting it with a jigsaw, and the crap smelled like a pizza box and fell apart with a saw. . .well, it was a good little check for Matthew and a good check for my guilty ego who felt unable to provide anything worth working with. . .Both of us recovered and after a day of work and a full day of rain, Matthew got to work on the panels (the better, much more expensive ones that we went back for Saturday) this afternoon while Mercury and I made a craft run and I found some awesome Sharpie oil-based paint pens. . .oh yeah, if the right people show up Friday for our sendoff party, we'll get some pleasant details on the bus done. . .
There seems to be a theme in what comes up weekly in my everyday conversations with people, everybody - concerning the trip. Also, I dislike calling it a trip. We're not falling, we're not taking a vacation - it's just the next year for us. . .so I'll start referring to it as that - the next year. Ok, so - the theme as of the last few days has been once again funding, and I cannot scientifically explain or logically persuade anyone to believe me, but somehow it just always works out. And that's why I'm not banging my head against the wall or losing my cool when the ibook died, or when I get a 5% tip on a table at work. . .I trust, believe, and certainly don't stand idle, but I don't panic either, and hey - I think of all those folks out there that don't have kids because they can't afford them, but I have three and literally make less then anyone I know, single, married, or with kids! My kids enjoy grand lives. It doesn't add up, but actually, yes it does. . .
We have re-defined the good things in life, the necessity, the prizes, the goals. Well, I have, and then I teach them rather - and sometimes it's the other way around, yes, that's true. It's about to get much more nitty gritty on the road, but we all talk about it - you don't take anything with you to your grave, right? Store your treasure up in heaven, right? Sell your things and follow me (Christ), right? Let go or be dragged, right? Boy, if we can't see where that happiness is when we are with our loved ones, standing there with them, in the rain, in the sun, in the car, across the table - man, we all need to check ourselves.
Being a server at a lakeside restaurant, I see many people come in from the lake, already a bit warmed up from the sun and some beer, socially lubricated from either or both, happy for whatever it counts. Then there are people, couples even, who look as if it's a pain to have to go out to eat. It's a chore to sit with familiar people to them, be served food, it's all so difficult. How we've lost touch! And they have to complain and take their antidepressants and sit sadly silent or quietly abrasive, then they leave a poor tip and depart in a car far newer and quieter and nicer smelling then mine has ever been, with a scowl on their faces. I don't think life should be this way. I think back to some good movies - Office Space and Shawn of the Dead - people are zombies - they work droning and deadening jobs for things that aren't necessity, but dont' have the time or energy to break out of the cycle long enough to realize it's not necessity!
So! How will I pay for the next year? I don't know. I mean, I have some ideas - a funding website, I am still getting foodstamps plenty enough until December, when I re-apply (a touchy subject for many, most of whom are very hard-working middle class who have never been on welfare and can't understand anyone needing it unless they are lazy. For many, welfare indicates laziness. I hope you don't think that, now. . .), applying for grants, the veggie oil will help out in actual locomotion, getting a small portable printer and taking some portraits from my iphone and printing them out on the spot for a few bucks, and child support (hahahaha). Also seeing if I can get a little gig in Philly for a couple of weeks for some cash while I'm there. It's not as if I have nothing to go on. . .if you could see the plans I had (or didn't) to survive the last 2 winters alone, you wouldn't be shaking your head right now. Sponsors are always welcome, and once we're on the road, hanging our heads and hands out in the northern winds and spreading our goofiness and innocent trust around a lot more people, well, I have an idea we'll catch someone's eye. After all that has been given to us in way of food, shelter, friends, health, and love - well, there's not much more that you have a taste for after that good stuff. Who wants fillers if you've had a quality meal? Things and Blings are fillers. Love is the perfect food. And trust is the utensil that brings it to our mouths. HA!
Not to leave out the wonder of all that is happening now. Well, I've driven the bus downtown two days in a row to get paneling - the first was much too flimsy. It was a nice little story and example of having what we need with some faith and trust - and then realizing when we got back and Matthew begin cutting it with a jigsaw, and the crap smelled like a pizza box and fell apart with a saw. . .well, it was a good little check for Matthew and a good check for my guilty ego who felt unable to provide anything worth working with. . .Both of us recovered and after a day of work and a full day of rain, Matthew got to work on the panels (the better, much more expensive ones that we went back for Saturday) this afternoon while Mercury and I made a craft run and I found some awesome Sharpie oil-based paint pens. . .oh yeah, if the right people show up Friday for our sendoff party, we'll get some pleasant details on the bus done. . .
There seems to be a theme in what comes up weekly in my everyday conversations with people, everybody - concerning the trip. Also, I dislike calling it a trip. We're not falling, we're not taking a vacation - it's just the next year for us. . .so I'll start referring to it as that - the next year. Ok, so - the theme as of the last few days has been once again funding, and I cannot scientifically explain or logically persuade anyone to believe me, but somehow it just always works out. And that's why I'm not banging my head against the wall or losing my cool when the ibook died, or when I get a 5% tip on a table at work. . .I trust, believe, and certainly don't stand idle, but I don't panic either, and hey - I think of all those folks out there that don't have kids because they can't afford them, but I have three and literally make less then anyone I know, single, married, or with kids! My kids enjoy grand lives. It doesn't add up, but actually, yes it does. . .
We have re-defined the good things in life, the necessity, the prizes, the goals. Well, I have, and then I teach them rather - and sometimes it's the other way around, yes, that's true. It's about to get much more nitty gritty on the road, but we all talk about it - you don't take anything with you to your grave, right? Store your treasure up in heaven, right? Sell your things and follow me (Christ), right? Let go or be dragged, right? Boy, if we can't see where that happiness is when we are with our loved ones, standing there with them, in the rain, in the sun, in the car, across the table - man, we all need to check ourselves.
Being a server at a lakeside restaurant, I see many people come in from the lake, already a bit warmed up from the sun and some beer, socially lubricated from either or both, happy for whatever it counts. Then there are people, couples even, who look as if it's a pain to have to go out to eat. It's a chore to sit with familiar people to them, be served food, it's all so difficult. How we've lost touch! And they have to complain and take their antidepressants and sit sadly silent or quietly abrasive, then they leave a poor tip and depart in a car far newer and quieter and nicer smelling then mine has ever been, with a scowl on their faces. I don't think life should be this way. I think back to some good movies - Office Space and Shawn of the Dead - people are zombies - they work droning and deadening jobs for things that aren't necessity, but dont' have the time or energy to break out of the cycle long enough to realize it's not necessity!
So! How will I pay for the next year? I don't know. I mean, I have some ideas - a funding website, I am still getting foodstamps plenty enough until December, when I re-apply (a touchy subject for many, most of whom are very hard-working middle class who have never been on welfare and can't understand anyone needing it unless they are lazy. For many, welfare indicates laziness. I hope you don't think that, now. . .), applying for grants, the veggie oil will help out in actual locomotion, getting a small portable printer and taking some portraits from my iphone and printing them out on the spot for a few bucks, and child support (hahahaha). Also seeing if I can get a little gig in Philly for a couple of weeks for some cash while I'm there. It's not as if I have nothing to go on. . .if you could see the plans I had (or didn't) to survive the last 2 winters alone, you wouldn't be shaking your head right now. Sponsors are always welcome, and once we're on the road, hanging our heads and hands out in the northern winds and spreading our goofiness and innocent trust around a lot more people, well, I have an idea we'll catch someone's eye. After all that has been given to us in way of food, shelter, friends, health, and love - well, there's not much more that you have a taste for after that good stuff. Who wants fillers if you've had a quality meal? Things and Blings are fillers. Love is the perfect food. And trust is the utensil that brings it to our mouths. HA!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Just fine
Here's the low down. I'm typing with my thumbs first of all. That's right thank God for refurbished iPhones. My logic board bit the dust so I have no laptop. No biggie. The last 4 days have been a test in patience for a quest to get the bunks and paneling in. Purchased all the liner for the bunks thanks to selling our stuff in 2 yard sales. Then after the insulation ( more later on that experience) we saw that the paneling really should be don for simplicity before the bunks and loft...so with the $74 I had from work I drove the bus to the local close out supply store for the cheapest panel available. No problem right? Well, lessons come easy, answers take more time.
Needless to say, the paneling was complete crap. Even more the crap - crap would' e held up better. Matthew was fed up and I was feeling inadequate to not be able to provide suitable material for the job...ended with a plan b for tomorrow and the hope of a free fuel system and the reassurance that materials are there. Just not here. There's so much more but too much more for my thumbs. I'll get on a full keyboard tomorrow and elaborate. Everything is beautiful. Nothing hurts. Remember that now
Needless to say, the paneling was complete crap. Even more the crap - crap would' e held up better. Matthew was fed up and I was feeling inadequate to not be able to provide suitable material for the job...ended with a plan b for tomorrow and the hope of a free fuel system and the reassurance that materials are there. Just not here. There's so much more but too much more for my thumbs. I'll get on a full keyboard tomorrow and elaborate. Everything is beautiful. Nothing hurts. Remember that now
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Massive progress
After much panic over funds, a yardsale and some hard work on my part paid off. God knows what I need, no need to fret if I'm on the right track. Got $200 of lumber for the bunks, roofing tar. Computer in repair shop, beer (oops), steel for back window, half a tank of diesel, radiO going in today(thanks brother), bills paid, insulation in, good times to come.
Keep running into folks who know about my journey, helping put. How I could do it without God well, I just couldn't. Not to get religious here, but holy cow this is a seemingly impossible journey. Soon enough I'll be able to post from my newly repaired Mac. This phone is killing me.
Thanks for all the time you spend reading this, and know you're a part of something bigger then all of us. Us.
Keep running into folks who know about my journey, helping put. How I could do it without God well, I just couldn't. Not to get religious here, but holy cow this is a seemingly impossible journey. Soon enough I'll be able to post from my newly repaired Mac. This phone is killing me.
Thanks for all the time you spend reading this, and know you're a part of something bigger then all of us. Us.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The tide is out
Such a small planet with such big people. With big brains. And all we seem to want to do is make it smaller and more comfortable. Boy this is a nice house. It's 50% cleaned out, with 80% more moving to do. The yard sale wasn't quite a bust but wasn't quite enough for me either. Not much traffic, but I sold some big things. The downside of the upside is that I got a good deal of donations from family and friends in way of items to sell, so my front porch and laundry room and garage are a bazaar of garage sale things. Per usual, I'm behind on things - I didn't want to consider all our 'stuff' after the 4th or 5th, but que sera. So I'll be having yet another yardsale this Saturday, when there aren't festivals going on. . .this time complete with a manned lemonade stand. . .last week the kids were gone for half of it camping. No one really wanted to buy lemonade from a grown woman (though I made fresh squeezed). The fun part is that Mercury is at camp this week and the boys went to NJ with their dad for 2 weeks, so I have been single - truly single - since Sunday. It's a good thing I have to go back to work today - I could get used to the lake and random trips. . .
I did do some research on child restraint seats after the issue has been brought up by a couple people. There are some great seats made for motorhomes and buses, and I'm waiting to hear back from the company. Good thing I didn't get a chance to bolt in the oak school desks that have been made into chairs - that was originally going to be the couch. Child restraints are a good thing. I figure I want to keep the kids (hah).
Last week I took the bus over to a secret location and an un-named couple of angels put on some like-new (really like new) tires and changed the filters and oil. I was even supplied with extra oil and I have a left-over new air filter for the future. I drove the bus home Monday by myself, realizing I need to get a radio in there. And a CB. There are only so many songs I can sing loud enough and long enough over the engine's roar. John made a few comments concerning my attitude lately - a masculine-type confidence. I chock it up to drivin a big ol' white bus with mosaic windows. Not a school bus, not an RV, not a state corrections bus, not a hippie bus - but my bus. Our bus, let's be fair.
I also keep talking to people, even friends, who admit their envy over my journey. More and more, I'm wondering if they really know what will be happening. Heck, I don't know. But I do know this, it will be alot of work, homeschooling alone - and sweaty driving and breaking down and eating beans from a can, or sprouted under a bed, imminent whining and perhaps even some bitter moments when the kids remember their nice warm (or cool) house with the fenced in yard and private showers. . .oh boy. . .but you can't put any price or value on the year ahead, the lessons and the friends we have yet to meet, and hopefully the point I'm trying to make - that this Life is about Life, about People, Mankind for cryin' out loud. A year on the road is typically seen as a fun trip and sight seeing pettiness, a bit of romance - this is a given, an irreproachable obvious, but! we have work to do and much to learn, and still searching for that balance wherein my family gives back. If my children can grasp the importance of community and family and a simple life, then the world will be a better place, I promise.
I did do some research on child restraint seats after the issue has been brought up by a couple people. There are some great seats made for motorhomes and buses, and I'm waiting to hear back from the company. Good thing I didn't get a chance to bolt in the oak school desks that have been made into chairs - that was originally going to be the couch. Child restraints are a good thing. I figure I want to keep the kids (hah).
Last week I took the bus over to a secret location and an un-named couple of angels put on some like-new (really like new) tires and changed the filters and oil. I was even supplied with extra oil and I have a left-over new air filter for the future. I drove the bus home Monday by myself, realizing I need to get a radio in there. And a CB. There are only so many songs I can sing loud enough and long enough over the engine's roar. John made a few comments concerning my attitude lately - a masculine-type confidence. I chock it up to drivin a big ol' white bus with mosaic windows. Not a school bus, not an RV, not a state corrections bus, not a hippie bus - but my bus. Our bus, let's be fair.
I also keep talking to people, even friends, who admit their envy over my journey. More and more, I'm wondering if they really know what will be happening. Heck, I don't know. But I do know this, it will be alot of work, homeschooling alone - and sweaty driving and breaking down and eating beans from a can, or sprouted under a bed, imminent whining and perhaps even some bitter moments when the kids remember their nice warm (or cool) house with the fenced in yard and private showers. . .oh boy. . .but you can't put any price or value on the year ahead, the lessons and the friends we have yet to meet, and hopefully the point I'm trying to make - that this Life is about Life, about People, Mankind for cryin' out loud. A year on the road is typically seen as a fun trip and sight seeing pettiness, a bit of romance - this is a given, an irreproachable obvious, but! we have work to do and much to learn, and still searching for that balance wherein my family gives back. If my children can grasp the importance of community and family and a simple life, then the world will be a better place, I promise.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
We Do what we can
Typing on my phone. . . Update - thanks again to both Tina and Barry Worley, we have tires and national parks pass for the year. Against all winds, we push on.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
yard sale
So I am wrapping up the purging of worldly possesions - whoever would have guessed we had so many? And still another 6 days left, which will all be utilizied in the removal of 'things'. Here's a link.
Find <a href="http://www.yardsalesearch.com/%22%3Egarage sales</a>
in <a href="http://www.yardsalesearch.com/garage-sales-elizabethton-tn.html%22%3EElizabethton, TN</a>.
What a beautiful thing - a fire, an epic trip to the recycling bins, three trash cans full, a big ol' moving sale. . .
well, if you're in the area, please stop by, even if you'll only scold me for being foolish - I welcome all. I also have a bunch of cilantro and Jerusalem artichokes to share, plus Mercury is open for business selling lemonade.
Find <a href="http://www.yardsalesearch.com/%22%3Egarage sales</a>
in <a href="http://www.yardsalesearch.com/garage-sales-elizabethton-tn.html%22%3EElizabethton, TN</a>.
What a beautiful thing - a fire, an epic trip to the recycling bins, three trash cans full, a big ol' moving sale. . .
well, if you're in the area, please stop by, even if you'll only scold me for being foolish - I welcome all. I also have a bunch of cilantro and Jerusalem artichokes to share, plus Mercury is open for business selling lemonade.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
heroes on common grounds
here's my newest lovely inspiration. looking at profits possible from a yard sale and auction, the real question of funding comes into play. I am thrilled to see some creative financing by Theron, and look out for my own variations soon...
www.thiswildidea.com
www.thiswildidea.com
Monday, May 23, 2011
what's the deal with tires?
I had a blow out on my civic last month, drove to work on a flat and ruined a new tire Saturday night, Anon mentioned changing a bus tire, now I was told yesterday that the front tires that are retreads need to go or be moved to the back, and the back tires have some dry rotting, and should be replaced.
Good news? Well, soon I'll have a new tire on the car and I am aware of the other issues. Also, Barry and Tina Worley from Bristol came out and Barry checked out the bus - I thought I had it on video, but I don't - at the end of the inspection, Barry said something to the effect that he was going to tell me this was a terribly foolish idea, BUT, the bus is in great shape and it should be good to go for a year across the country! This comes from a CDL tester and mechanic - his father in law, the Morrel's of Bristol, own the Holston Bus Company (shout out!) so I am going to trust this gift of opinion with all my heart! There is the tire issue, and also the rear brakes are going to need to be replaced as soon as I can figure out how that will happen (they are about half-way now).
We got it started up with some starting fluid (note to self - purchase a can) and after I put on the license plate finally, we hauled it out for a drive down the highway. Kids sliding around on blankets and waving at the passerby - quite a few 'cause it's a much slower ride then even an old Civic! It was a little nerve-racking trying to back it back into my driveway, and after a few attempts and some impatience, I just pulled straight in. It'll be fun getting it out in a few days as I've committed to taking Sirius out twice a week to recharge the battery and keep it in shape. It was good to realize little things like I need some new mirrors and getting the feel of driving this beast...it's going to be a much more brave conquest then I have allowed myself to indulge in - I am consistently called 'brave' but I think naive is a much more comfortable adjective for me to accept - though I still like brave... and I don't mind naive, either - it's not a bad word, just a word that describes innocent trust to me...
So today? I have a new list of things I need, for the bus and the year - another wish list of necessities if anyone feels compelled to donate -
full-size futon mattress
TIRES
wood for bunks
panelling
wood stove or DSL space heater
sleeping bag for me
RV sized sink
water tank
passports
national park year pass
artists to show up June 24 and paint something tastefully on the back of the bus
some nice words of support...
alot of people to show up June 4 for my moving sale and support me by buying all my stuff
AND alot of people showing up to my photography auction and over-paying for some good photos (just kidding, you won't overpay)
As soon as I figure out how to get these videos uploaded I'll be posting. Back to a sick kid and more eliminating for now.
One more thing - Mark is coming up here from North Carolina and we'll finally get that sweet insulation put in, then the rest of the bunks, loft, bathroom, kitchen, and book shelves go in the first week of June with Jay here. Another shout out to my brother and sister-in-law for donating a bundle of good stuff for the moving sale - Gabe and Christina Zimmer - thanks!! Looking forward to an amazing summer with old and new friends and a beautiful (yet not proximinal enough) community!!
Good news? Well, soon I'll have a new tire on the car and I am aware of the other issues. Also, Barry and Tina Worley from Bristol came out and Barry checked out the bus - I thought I had it on video, but I don't - at the end of the inspection, Barry said something to the effect that he was going to tell me this was a terribly foolish idea, BUT, the bus is in great shape and it should be good to go for a year across the country! This comes from a CDL tester and mechanic - his father in law, the Morrel's of Bristol, own the Holston Bus Company (shout out!) so I am going to trust this gift of opinion with all my heart! There is the tire issue, and also the rear brakes are going to need to be replaced as soon as I can figure out how that will happen (they are about half-way now).
We got it started up with some starting fluid (note to self - purchase a can) and after I put on the license plate finally, we hauled it out for a drive down the highway. Kids sliding around on blankets and waving at the passerby - quite a few 'cause it's a much slower ride then even an old Civic! It was a little nerve-racking trying to back it back into my driveway, and after a few attempts and some impatience, I just pulled straight in. It'll be fun getting it out in a few days as I've committed to taking Sirius out twice a week to recharge the battery and keep it in shape. It was good to realize little things like I need some new mirrors and getting the feel of driving this beast...it's going to be a much more brave conquest then I have allowed myself to indulge in - I am consistently called 'brave' but I think naive is a much more comfortable adjective for me to accept - though I still like brave... and I don't mind naive, either - it's not a bad word, just a word that describes innocent trust to me...
So today? I have a new list of things I need, for the bus and the year - another wish list of necessities if anyone feels compelled to donate -
full-size futon mattress
TIRES
wood for bunks
panelling
wood stove or DSL space heater
sleeping bag for me
RV sized sink
water tank
passports
national park year pass
artists to show up June 24 and paint something tastefully on the back of the bus
some nice words of support...
alot of people to show up June 4 for my moving sale and support me by buying all my stuff
AND alot of people showing up to my photography auction and over-paying for some good photos (just kidding, you won't overpay)
As soon as I figure out how to get these videos uploaded I'll be posting. Back to a sick kid and more eliminating for now.
One more thing - Mark is coming up here from North Carolina and we'll finally get that sweet insulation put in, then the rest of the bunks, loft, bathroom, kitchen, and book shelves go in the first week of June with Jay here. Another shout out to my brother and sister-in-law for donating a bundle of good stuff for the moving sale - Gabe and Christina Zimmer - thanks!! Looking forward to an amazing summer with old and new friends and a beautiful (yet not proximinal enough) community!!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
shout out!!
it's been a few days. a few days of some crazy downsizing. ever move into your hoarding grandma's home with three kids and then have to whittle down your belongings to fit into a school bus tactfully? me neither, not until now.
wow
the house is upsidedown and i love it. the entire huge living room is a stockpile of clothes and toys and games and furniture - yard sale june 4 - looking forward to that! me and st. germaine are contemplating the details right now. . .
then! June 24 is the Bus Party - everyone is invited, no holes barred - or is it no holds barred? whatever the case, there will be music and fire and the bus of course. wish you ALL could be there. July will bring the details being wrapped up and an auction of my photography for Sirius's benefit in Johnson City, more details to come.
As for the actual conversion, well, it'll come and I'm not worried - Jay will be coming down in June to help out with the woodwork and Mark is spraying in the insulation next week 'cause I'm too chicken to mess it up. The ever-elusive Brad was supposed to come by to school me on the engine conversion today, but I was lame and didn't follow up with a phone call, so of course he forgot - I'll get him next week.
In the meantime, I've written the Ellen Show (whom showed interest months ago thanks to my post-producer Tom Ford) and waiting to hear back from some other prospectives. It'll take me actually getting out there for any substantial bites, I've concluded.
And a HUGE thanks to the Worley's from Holston Bus Co who have agreed to come check out the engine and get Sirius ready to go! Soon now... And for those who question my ability to maintain such a machine, well, I'm going to be schooled quite a bit by this community I've roused - THANKS!
Going to bed happy and less cluttered - I'll see you late June, faithful plenty. Check out my Facebook for more info - Sabrina Bertsch
peace
wow
the house is upsidedown and i love it. the entire huge living room is a stockpile of clothes and toys and games and furniture - yard sale june 4 - looking forward to that! me and st. germaine are contemplating the details right now. . .
then! June 24 is the Bus Party - everyone is invited, no holes barred - or is it no holds barred? whatever the case, there will be music and fire and the bus of course. wish you ALL could be there. July will bring the details being wrapped up and an auction of my photography for Sirius's benefit in Johnson City, more details to come.
As for the actual conversion, well, it'll come and I'm not worried - Jay will be coming down in June to help out with the woodwork and Mark is spraying in the insulation next week 'cause I'm too chicken to mess it up. The ever-elusive Brad was supposed to come by to school me on the engine conversion today, but I was lame and didn't follow up with a phone call, so of course he forgot - I'll get him next week.
In the meantime, I've written the Ellen Show (whom showed interest months ago thanks to my post-producer Tom Ford) and waiting to hear back from some other prospectives. It'll take me actually getting out there for any substantial bites, I've concluded.
And a HUGE thanks to the Worley's from Holston Bus Co who have agreed to come check out the engine and get Sirius ready to go! Soon now... And for those who question my ability to maintain such a machine, well, I'm going to be schooled quite a bit by this community I've roused - THANKS!
Going to bed happy and less cluttered - I'll see you late June, faithful plenty. Check out my Facebook for more info - Sabrina Bertsch
peace
Friday, May 13, 2011
getting personal
thought I'd give my ex-husband and the kids' dad some love and send this out. He's up north in Philly/NJ doing his thing, gonna collaborate a bit for our time up there. Yeah, it's about forgiveness, too.
here's the love
got a text from a dear friend about someone interested in helping with the bus, the mechanical side. yeah man, here's the love - of course right now I'm relying on the help of the community, but it's for the community, at large and next door. I'll be giving back some righteous kids raised to see both sides of the coin - the charity and us giving back - I was blessed this week as we went through the boys' room and the kids gave up so much stuff, stuff even I stalled on, toys that are dear and hold some sentimental meaning - they just piled them all up in the living room and said good bye! They agreed on who to give specific things to - clothes to so and so, this toy to so and so, and on and on. Sure, it's not building a house or sending someone to college, but it's community in a micro-sense - to give give give. It's not hippie BS, it's not taking off and continually living off the backs of others, and yes, dangit, it's about living off the land. After all, we ALL live off the land - duh - we rely on fossil fuels every step of the way - the LAND, and food grown on commercial (or hopefully organic commercial, better yet, local organic) farms, meat grown off the land - whew - didn't mean to get back into that last comment, but geez, if you really read the blog, you'd know this stuff.
If I went back to school for my MSN (master of science in nursing) like I plan to one day when it's wise (ie, the kids are older or I have someone to help raise them so the public school system and welfare system isn't responsible for their rearing), I'd be forsaking my influence and replacing it with un-controllable situations, then dealing with the repercussions once they are teenagers and think welfare will foot all the bills. Or they'll think I can have kids now and go back to school in my mid-thirties and it'll be ok, that's what mom did. Well, momma went to school and graduated with a BA at 20 years old, taught for awhile, and kept the kid I had when I was 22, got it 'together' for a few years, then divorce and health problems kinda blew things up. Up until this point, this completely 'insane' and 'foolish' idea has become nothing short of completely and incredibly phenomenal to me. Poignant and wise, in a scary sense. Why not? WHY not? Because I'll get a flat? Because I'm alone? HA! I'm not alone, but in this country we have that sense - we are alone in all this - we fight so hard for our sense of individuality that we shut out everyone and everything else. Call it pride, ego, false strength - but for all it's worth, it's not worth alot to realize in the end, in your mid-life crisis amongst your nice middle class house and office job, or career, failing marriage, secret addictions - that the friends you have are just really buddies you hang out with because you're in the same social circle, same financial class and when you change your vision no one will walk alongside you. It's best to start young, to raise our kids in a different way, different from the 50's and 60's, the suburbs and replace-able goods, let's move on back a couple centuries when LIFE was good - technology wasn't present, but life was good. Let's take the good and toss out the bad. It's pretty simple, but sometimes we need some brave and crazy examples to prove it's not all that crazy. History says alot about crazy folks - crazy to the masses, but in the end, wow, what's anything new and revealing, any revolution without some crazy folks at the front of the line?
No, no no, I'm not gonna conform, not gonna teach my kids that. I'm already labeled 'criminal' for some of my philosophies, but we've managed - no immunizations, vegetarian diet, alternative medicine, homeschooling, long-haired boys - but well, next up I'm gonna let some video talk for me and mine, maybe also brag on the accomplishments of mine even. Heck, even me. And why not?
If I went back to school for my MSN (master of science in nursing) like I plan to one day when it's wise (ie, the kids are older or I have someone to help raise them so the public school system and welfare system isn't responsible for their rearing), I'd be forsaking my influence and replacing it with un-controllable situations, then dealing with the repercussions once they are teenagers and think welfare will foot all the bills. Or they'll think I can have kids now and go back to school in my mid-thirties and it'll be ok, that's what mom did. Well, momma went to school and graduated with a BA at 20 years old, taught for awhile, and kept the kid I had when I was 22, got it 'together' for a few years, then divorce and health problems kinda blew things up. Up until this point, this completely 'insane' and 'foolish' idea has become nothing short of completely and incredibly phenomenal to me. Poignant and wise, in a scary sense. Why not? WHY not? Because I'll get a flat? Because I'm alone? HA! I'm not alone, but in this country we have that sense - we are alone in all this - we fight so hard for our sense of individuality that we shut out everyone and everything else. Call it pride, ego, false strength - but for all it's worth, it's not worth alot to realize in the end, in your mid-life crisis amongst your nice middle class house and office job, or career, failing marriage, secret addictions - that the friends you have are just really buddies you hang out with because you're in the same social circle, same financial class and when you change your vision no one will walk alongside you. It's best to start young, to raise our kids in a different way, different from the 50's and 60's, the suburbs and replace-able goods, let's move on back a couple centuries when LIFE was good - technology wasn't present, but life was good. Let's take the good and toss out the bad. It's pretty simple, but sometimes we need some brave and crazy examples to prove it's not all that crazy. History says alot about crazy folks - crazy to the masses, but in the end, wow, what's anything new and revealing, any revolution without some crazy folks at the front of the line?
No, no no, I'm not gonna conform, not gonna teach my kids that. I'm already labeled 'criminal' for some of my philosophies, but we've managed - no immunizations, vegetarian diet, alternative medicine, homeschooling, long-haired boys - but well, next up I'm gonna let some video talk for me and mine, maybe also brag on the accomplishments of mine even. Heck, even me. And why not?
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Antidisestablishmentarianism - gotta love the haters
Well, I've been following your blog since seeing the article in the paper a while back. I have to finally say you're either insane or immature to the point it's almost criminal to your children.
This 60's hippie bullshit of "Me 'n You 'n A Dog named Boo, traveling 'n aliving off the land" in your old school bus is just that....immature bullshit. Fine if you're 20, no kids and no responsibility.....go do it....but you don't HAVE that luxury. You need to flat GROW UP and provide a stable home for the kids you brought into this world, not trying to take an old worn out school bus on the road in some romantic adventure.
Have you EVEN considered the amount of fuel it will take to do this fool route you have laid ? You think you're gonna stop and collect veggie oil and do this ? Insane.
How about tires. Let's assume they are brand freaking new....You have a flat in the middle of nowhere, can you even LIFT a tire that weighs more than you, much less break the lug nuts or jack up the bus ?
What happens if you throw a rod in the engine in North Dakota ? You have bus fare tucked away for 4 of you and prepared to spend 40hrs on a bus back to here ?? Crap....you don't have money enough for a motel when you run off to PA for a few days, much less bus fare money when you have to abandon your bus ( maybe you'll be lucky enough to break down right next to a scrap yard.....other wise the tow truck operator will get it all.)
Insane, I tell you. And IF it was just you....fine....but to drag 3 kids along on your ill fated foolishness is bordering on criminally insane.
You need to have that bus hauled down to Omnisource scrap yard, have it crushed, and put a few bucks in savings.....then get the hell OFF the internet and quit wasting your time blogging, and GET TO WORK building you and your kids a decent, stable life instead of acting like you're still a freaking teenager with 3 puppies.
I assume you'll delete this, as it isn't the lovey-dovey BS most people post, but if I were your parent, this is EXACTLY what I would tell you.
This 60's hippie bullshit of "Me 'n You 'n A Dog named Boo, traveling 'n aliving off the land" in your old school bus is just that....immature bullshit. Fine if you're 20, no kids and no responsibility.....go do it....but you don't HAVE that luxury. You need to flat GROW UP and provide a stable home for the kids you brought into this world, not trying to take an old worn out school bus on the road in some romantic adventure.
Have you EVEN considered the amount of fuel it will take to do this fool route you have laid ? You think you're gonna stop and collect veggie oil and do this ? Insane.
How about tires. Let's assume they are brand freaking new....You have a flat in the middle of nowhere, can you even LIFT a tire that weighs more than you, much less break the lug nuts or jack up the bus ?
What happens if you throw a rod in the engine in North Dakota ? You have bus fare tucked away for 4 of you and prepared to spend 40hrs on a bus back to here ?? Crap....you don't have money enough for a motel when you run off to PA for a few days, much less bus fare money when you have to abandon your bus ( maybe you'll be lucky enough to break down right next to a scrap yard.....other wise the tow truck operator will get it all.)
Insane, I tell you. And IF it was just you....fine....but to drag 3 kids along on your ill fated foolishness is bordering on criminally insane.
You need to have that bus hauled down to Omnisource scrap yard, have it crushed, and put a few bucks in savings.....then get the hell OFF the internet and quit wasting your time blogging, and GET TO WORK building you and your kids a decent, stable life instead of acting like you're still a freaking teenager with 3 puppies.
I assume you'll delete this, as it isn't the lovey-dovey BS most people post, but if I were your parent, this is EXACTLY what I would tell you.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Sirius as is
Technology fail. Apple, where are you? I've been trying for 2 days to upload a visual update, but to no avail - I've tried it all. My equipment is totally behind the times, and showing. My poor little iBook G4 has had it with my ways and is threatening to quit.
so here's the written update - I'm calling the elusive Brad tomorrow in hopes he will stop by in his seemingly impromptu fashion and look over the conversion issue on site - he says it's doable for dirt cheap. I'm learning all about changing the oil filter on the ol' boy, and probably not taking that on tomorrow, but if no rain, then I will pursue the changing of the fuel filter - no biggie. Hoping to take Sirius out for a little joy ride in Carter County this weekend. . . Still waiting on the auto glass man to fit in the back window, which was broken out in a storm last year (!)
Tomorrow plumbers are coming to re-route my washer line to the septic - glad I don't have to mess with all that, though I have learned a lot about septic lately here at the house. . .
funny how everyone has their own opinion on things that should be cut and dry - carpentry, auto repair, septic lines - and it's almost always men who have their differing ways. Most women would talk it out and reach an agreement. Oh well.
I've added a place to visit on the way to Philly, and because I've come to accept the fact that the bus will not be completely converted (interior) by August at this rate, I'm planning on being in the Philadelphia area indefinitely. There I have a filmer, place to park, places to stay, and an awesome community to spend time at. And summers in the city are beautiful. Summers anywhere are beautiful. Heck, everyday is beautiful.
There I'll drive up for awhile to NYC and be blessed with some artwork on Sirius promised by one or more New York artists, probably hang around there for awhile and try to bug Morgan Spurlock some more about producing what has now become a film backed mainly by my iPhone. . . and see what kinda goodness is in the Big Apple - closing down my negative impressions from the past of that city and opening up to the positive that is bound to be there in plenty. I'm figuring it'll be more of an artistic journey, and begging the Big Dogs (producers) to realize the sincerity and cause in my cause. . . without losing my integrity, of course.
Once I'm rolling with my cheap-o conversion I'll cover the details. I'm not worried - if anything I can't wait to just go and figure it all out. I have a route - here's what the lose outline looked like before I realized these kinds of things can't possibly have a structured route. . .
August, Philadelphia, NYC
September, New England - 2 or more communities
Oregon by October, possibly Chicago on the way
MANY places to see in Oregon
Coast of CA Nov - stops in San Francisco and LA definite
Winter in the SW, possibly visit a community in Baja, farm in NM, live at the national parks/monuments
Crazy Texas early spring
The Farm (Tn) spring
Koinania Farm, GA
back home for a spell,
ending it all with a backwards route up to Alaska and maybe (not definite), Burning Man in September 2012.
Temperate climates, lots of stops, lots of networking.
But if we end up living in Philadelphia for a year, that's ok, too.
so here's the written update - I'm calling the elusive Brad tomorrow in hopes he will stop by in his seemingly impromptu fashion and look over the conversion issue on site - he says it's doable for dirt cheap. I'm learning all about changing the oil filter on the ol' boy, and probably not taking that on tomorrow, but if no rain, then I will pursue the changing of the fuel filter - no biggie. Hoping to take Sirius out for a little joy ride in Carter County this weekend. . . Still waiting on the auto glass man to fit in the back window, which was broken out in a storm last year (!)
Tomorrow plumbers are coming to re-route my washer line to the septic - glad I don't have to mess with all that, though I have learned a lot about septic lately here at the house. . .
funny how everyone has their own opinion on things that should be cut and dry - carpentry, auto repair, septic lines - and it's almost always men who have their differing ways. Most women would talk it out and reach an agreement. Oh well.
I've added a place to visit on the way to Philly, and because I've come to accept the fact that the bus will not be completely converted (interior) by August at this rate, I'm planning on being in the Philadelphia area indefinitely. There I have a filmer, place to park, places to stay, and an awesome community to spend time at. And summers in the city are beautiful. Summers anywhere are beautiful. Heck, everyday is beautiful.
There I'll drive up for awhile to NYC and be blessed with some artwork on Sirius promised by one or more New York artists, probably hang around there for awhile and try to bug Morgan Spurlock some more about producing what has now become a film backed mainly by my iPhone. . . and see what kinda goodness is in the Big Apple - closing down my negative impressions from the past of that city and opening up to the positive that is bound to be there in plenty. I'm figuring it'll be more of an artistic journey, and begging the Big Dogs (producers) to realize the sincerity and cause in my cause. . . without losing my integrity, of course.
Once I'm rolling with my cheap-o conversion I'll cover the details. I'm not worried - if anything I can't wait to just go and figure it all out. I have a route - here's what the lose outline looked like before I realized these kinds of things can't possibly have a structured route. . .
August, Philadelphia, NYC
September, New England - 2 or more communities
Oregon by October, possibly Chicago on the way
MANY places to see in Oregon
Coast of CA Nov - stops in San Francisco and LA definite
Winter in the SW, possibly visit a community in Baja, farm in NM, live at the national parks/monuments
Crazy Texas early spring
The Farm (Tn) spring
Koinania Farm, GA
back home for a spell,
ending it all with a backwards route up to Alaska and maybe (not definite), Burning Man in September 2012.
Temperate climates, lots of stops, lots of networking.
But if we end up living in Philadelphia for a year, that's ok, too.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
pure random
Monday, May 9, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
backing up
I recorded a video entry late last night but tonight we are at a friend's house staying the night and they have my iPhone, listening to ambient music on Pandora, and therein lies the entry I never uploaded, so this is working backwards - I thought I'd reiterate what I was trying to say on that crap video clip first. . .(my period key is now working with some effort on my part)
I had a difficult day yesterday, working 2 jobs and working with no sleep whatsoever. I had another outing similar to my spontaneous exodus to Hershey Pa a few weeks ago - I was 15 again and maturely reckless. It was good, but it cost a night's worth of sleep, and I couldn't have picked a worse night. Anyway, the bedtime routine was shaken by the fact that the kids were at a friend's house with 4 other kids and were not exactly the wide awake that I had imagined they would be - more an exhausted wide awake, moaning and complaining and being super needy. And why not? they are shuffled around so much, but always with loving people, which I like to think counts for something. It actually counts for alot - when I was a kid we weren't particularly social because of the alcohol abuse my father comforted in. . . we didn't see alot of different people watching over us - it was more a hermetic life as kids, even with our few school friends.
Anyway, EZ didn't go down to bed without a fight and it ended with me breaking down and balling to him about how can't we all just make this work, how I can't do everything, how he didn't need to understand all I do but just work with me. That got him to contemplate and actually worked out well, I'm guessing, as we recapped the night this morning.
What I'm trying and dodging to get at is this - we have to step back and go back to basics more then we'd like to - I need to refocus on the kids especially as my situation calls for - serious refocus. No living in a bus for 14 months is gonna be pleasant with Mama breaking down every few weeks and doing everything. I need to look at the family that's going with me, my family, and get it together, which bummed me out a bit, being kinda behind on the conversion.
But look, when all looks overwhelming and (especially and - there's a pattern of me kinda straying then finding such poignant light out there) impossible, there in walks those angels and stuff that is recurrent in my endeavors. And it's NEVER where I'm thinking they'd be - the info and love is out there in strange places.
At a wedding tonight I met up with the elusive Brad who holds all knowledge in veggie oil conversion. The burning question - how much will it cost?? $40 could do it, was the answer. Talk about relief and a sense of ability! Ok, Brad, help me out! He'll come over next week and check it all out. I need to freak out more often it would seem. . .
This week? Work, work, laundry, getting rid of the laundry, yard sale, work, cook, work, probably finish some mosaics on the window and upload a video of the current Sirius so all you faithful can see it's actually progressing more then I can see. For one, it's certainly not yellow anymore. Though in all senses it will always be a schooling bus. Schooling.
I had a difficult day yesterday, working 2 jobs and working with no sleep whatsoever. I had another outing similar to my spontaneous exodus to Hershey Pa a few weeks ago - I was 15 again and maturely reckless. It was good, but it cost a night's worth of sleep, and I couldn't have picked a worse night. Anyway, the bedtime routine was shaken by the fact that the kids were at a friend's house with 4 other kids and were not exactly the wide awake that I had imagined they would be - more an exhausted wide awake, moaning and complaining and being super needy. And why not? they are shuffled around so much, but always with loving people, which I like to think counts for something. It actually counts for alot - when I was a kid we weren't particularly social because of the alcohol abuse my father comforted in. . . we didn't see alot of different people watching over us - it was more a hermetic life as kids, even with our few school friends.
Anyway, EZ didn't go down to bed without a fight and it ended with me breaking down and balling to him about how can't we all just make this work, how I can't do everything, how he didn't need to understand all I do but just work with me. That got him to contemplate and actually worked out well, I'm guessing, as we recapped the night this morning.
What I'm trying and dodging to get at is this - we have to step back and go back to basics more then we'd like to - I need to refocus on the kids especially as my situation calls for - serious refocus. No living in a bus for 14 months is gonna be pleasant with Mama breaking down every few weeks and doing everything. I need to look at the family that's going with me, my family, and get it together, which bummed me out a bit, being kinda behind on the conversion.
But look, when all looks overwhelming and (especially and - there's a pattern of me kinda straying then finding such poignant light out there) impossible, there in walks those angels and stuff that is recurrent in my endeavors. And it's NEVER where I'm thinking they'd be - the info and love is out there in strange places.
At a wedding tonight I met up with the elusive Brad who holds all knowledge in veggie oil conversion. The burning question - how much will it cost?? $40 could do it, was the answer. Talk about relief and a sense of ability! Ok, Brad, help me out! He'll come over next week and check it all out. I need to freak out more often it would seem. . .
This week? Work, work, laundry, getting rid of the laundry, yard sale, work, cook, work, probably finish some mosaics on the window and upload a video of the current Sirius so all you faithful can see it's actually progressing more then I can see. For one, it's certainly not yellow anymore. Though in all senses it will always be a schooling bus. Schooling.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Waiting for the chance to be homeless
I've set a date to be homeless - August 1st at the latest. I originally thought it could be more like the end of June, beginning of July, but honestly I've run out of funds, again. I've been hectically focused on my immediate needs and the immediate needs of my kids. . .school and work and cleaning and grocery shopping, bills and the laundry - everytime I do laundry I think "look how many clothes we have - I need to get rid of 75% of them, then I wouldn't have to wash so many. . ." - which makes sense since I'll have to eliminate so much just so it'll fit on the bus.
I began cleaning out a shed for storage on the property. I need to find a renter for the house. They need to move in in August and kick us out. If not, chances are I'll find an excuse to stay longer, and get weighed down longer.
Philadelphia will provide the recharge and momentum for the rest of the year - The kids' father lives 30 minutes from there, as well as grandparents and good friends of mine. The plan in Philly is to park the bus in New Jersey and take the train into the city and live there for a week or more. We need not begin official home-schooling until September, and so the kids can enjoy their summer with family they dont' see often.
There is so much to do here everyday, it's been paramount lately to me to eliminate and simplify, which looks increasingly intimidating every morning when I open my eyes to it. I'm living in my grandma's house, and most of her belongings are here - a couple dressers, nice kitchen appliances, clothes, photographs, bookshelves and lots and lots and lots of books. Although it's far from reality, I have grown close to a lot of the knick knacks and pictures, and some of the really great books, as if they are mine. It will be a good exercise in letting go to pack these little wonders up and lock them away neatly in the clean shed.
But first I had to pick out about 100-200 cocoons from the thousands of tent caterpillars that have 'nested' in the wild cherry tree next to the shed. Eww. Does it sometimes seem that you begin a project only to find yourself either back to the hardware store 5 times in a day, being distracted, someone getting sick at school, called into work, rain, snow, tornado, a phone call, or an infestation of caterpillars?? So the space to hold at least my grandma's belongings is pretty clean at this point, while I write this. I'm waiting now for that cherry tree to fall on the shed in the next tornado we get!! Actually, that's a terribly negative way to think. . .
Tonight as I continue this bland entry, I have some liquor store boxes I squeezed into the reservoirs between three car seats in the Civic, crying out to be filled. My plan of action is to eliminate my grandma's stuffs in the house so I can see what's left, and truthfully, that's scary, because I have WAY more then I'd like to admit - and no, I'm not a hoarder, I'm American. Let's look at the kitchen - I have the normal glass place settings we eat off everyday, then plastic picnic supplies, then paper supplies in case we are sick and lazy or have a bunch of people over, then 5 boxes of fine China for something I haven't yet figured out - displaying?? Then there is flatware - most of which is Bunny's, my grandma - the normal stuff, the higher end (middle class), then the 'silver'. I thought it was all 'silverware'. Then the appliances - which come in handy with biscuits and Christmas cookies, the bread machine, the juicer, the pots and cake molds, the COOKIE CUTTERS, everything. Then my fridge. . . My friend Anna, who is a single mother and a sonographer, said she hates (she doesn't really) people on food stamps - she's right - look how much freaking food I have at anytime of the month - sure I run low on staples, but I always have more then enough with a little of ingenuity.
The argument of the poor in the USA is a tough one. I grew up 'poor', and sure, my mom has stories, but none that I remember personally - the heat going out, the electric being turned off (or was that me - it was me!), having no Christmas gifts, and I always held the thrif store in the highest regard, until 8th grade. . .Even the homeless have cell phones and drugs, albeit housing prices are insane - they still have 'stuff' - and with that last word - stuff, my period key completely broke off my old (poor me) mac Well, the poor now don't have period keys Hmmm
I listen to the radio when I am done praying in the car, and today I caught a woman on NPR named Linda Grant, an author, who was asked what the single most negative impact her generation (she's 60) contributed to the world Here's the dialog -
I began cleaning out a shed for storage on the property. I need to find a renter for the house. They need to move in in August and kick us out. If not, chances are I'll find an excuse to stay longer, and get weighed down longer.
Philadelphia will provide the recharge and momentum for the rest of the year - The kids' father lives 30 minutes from there, as well as grandparents and good friends of mine. The plan in Philly is to park the bus in New Jersey and take the train into the city and live there for a week or more. We need not begin official home-schooling until September, and so the kids can enjoy their summer with family they dont' see often.
There is so much to do here everyday, it's been paramount lately to me to eliminate and simplify, which looks increasingly intimidating every morning when I open my eyes to it. I'm living in my grandma's house, and most of her belongings are here - a couple dressers, nice kitchen appliances, clothes, photographs, bookshelves and lots and lots and lots of books. Although it's far from reality, I have grown close to a lot of the knick knacks and pictures, and some of the really great books, as if they are mine. It will be a good exercise in letting go to pack these little wonders up and lock them away neatly in the clean shed.
But first I had to pick out about 100-200 cocoons from the thousands of tent caterpillars that have 'nested' in the wild cherry tree next to the shed. Eww. Does it sometimes seem that you begin a project only to find yourself either back to the hardware store 5 times in a day, being distracted, someone getting sick at school, called into work, rain, snow, tornado, a phone call, or an infestation of caterpillars?? So the space to hold at least my grandma's belongings is pretty clean at this point, while I write this. I'm waiting now for that cherry tree to fall on the shed in the next tornado we get!! Actually, that's a terribly negative way to think. . .
Tonight as I continue this bland entry, I have some liquor store boxes I squeezed into the reservoirs between three car seats in the Civic, crying out to be filled. My plan of action is to eliminate my grandma's stuffs in the house so I can see what's left, and truthfully, that's scary, because I have WAY more then I'd like to admit - and no, I'm not a hoarder, I'm American. Let's look at the kitchen - I have the normal glass place settings we eat off everyday, then plastic picnic supplies, then paper supplies in case we are sick and lazy or have a bunch of people over, then 5 boxes of fine China for something I haven't yet figured out - displaying?? Then there is flatware - most of which is Bunny's, my grandma - the normal stuff, the higher end (middle class), then the 'silver'. I thought it was all 'silverware'. Then the appliances - which come in handy with biscuits and Christmas cookies, the bread machine, the juicer, the pots and cake molds, the COOKIE CUTTERS, everything. Then my fridge. . . My friend Anna, who is a single mother and a sonographer, said she hates (she doesn't really) people on food stamps - she's right - look how much freaking food I have at anytime of the month - sure I run low on staples, but I always have more then enough with a little of ingenuity.
The argument of the poor in the USA is a tough one. I grew up 'poor', and sure, my mom has stories, but none that I remember personally - the heat going out, the electric being turned off (or was that me - it was me!), having no Christmas gifts, and I always held the thrif store in the highest regard, until 8th grade. . .Even the homeless have cell phones and drugs, albeit housing prices are insane - they still have 'stuff' - and with that last word - stuff, my period key completely broke off my old (poor me) mac Well, the poor now don't have period keys Hmmm
I listen to the radio when I am done praying in the car, and today I caught a woman on NPR named Linda Grant, an author, who was asked what the single most negative impact her generation (she's 60) contributed to the world Here's the dialog -
REHM
11:50:26
You talk about what you feel is one of the greatest contributions of your generation, namely feminism. What do you think is the worst?
GRANT
11:50:41
(laugh) You caught me on the hop there. I mean, I think that something happened in the early '70s which I remember very well and it was -- there was a particular slogan which was -- and I'm wondering if people are going to remember it, which was, how can I change the world if I can't even change myself? So it became a sort of tremendous moment of sort of introspection and sort of, you know, of selfishness, I think, so that, you know, we really were the architects of the vast consumer boom of materialism. You know, we have never had so many consumer goods. Nobody has ever had so many. I mean, this is a really tiny thing, but I was looking at my bathmat yesterday morning and I was thinking, I should really get another one. I thought, you know, my parents had the same bathmat I think for the whole of their marriage.
REHM
11:51:42
Of course.
GRANT
11:51:42
They never thought that they needed to get rid of their bathmat.
REHM
11:51:45
Right.
GRANT
11:51:45
I was thinking, oh, no, I think I'll get a new -- you know, we, I think, created the disposable culture, I think. And the one thing that I think is a bit of a toxic legacy is because we are so convinced that we're young, right, we cannot bear the idea of aging. And I think we have created the whole business of cosmetic surgery of, you know, altering your appearance of facelifts, of all of that. It is unbearable to be old. I don't think my parents thought it was unbearable to look old. We, I think, think it's unbearable to look old and that, I think, is a product of our own narcissism.
REHM
11:52:24
And that plays out in the consumer goods.
GRANT
11:52:27
Yes, absolutely.
REHM
11:52:28
We have to keep replacing...
GRANT
11:52:29
Yeah.
REHM
11:52:30
...and upgrading...
GRANT
11:52:31
Yeah.
REHM
11:52:31
...and making sure it's bigger...
GRANT
11:52:33
Yeah.
REHM
11:52:33
...better, newer.
GRANT
11:52:35
If you like, because it turned out to be so much more difficult than we thought it was going to be to change the world, to make the better world, world a better place, we're making our own homes and our own bodies better places by continually buying new things. And, you know, I don't know that that's quite such a sort of -- you know, I don't think if you told us at the time that that was going to be our legacy, we would've been all that delighted.
I'll leave it there Without a period, a forever more without a period After all, periods kinda let us all down, you know?
11:5
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